Why We Help Others and How It Shapes Our Well-Being

Did you know there’s a day dedicated to sharing zucchini with your neighbors? August 8th is designated as National Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day, a fun calendar event inspired by the tradition of gardeners quietly leaving the extra zucchini from their harvests on their neighbors’ doorsteps. It’s a small, playful tradition that invites connection and can strengthen community ties through a simple act of kindness and generosity. But why do gardeners give away their surplus instead of selling it for a profit? What moves people to choose generosity over personal gain? In this sketch, we’ll explore the concept of altruism and how acts of giving and sharing can shape not only our relationships with others but also our own mental well-being.

What is altruism?

Although experts continue to debate its finer details, altruism is generally defined as helping others or acting for them, usually without expecting anything in return. It is a form of prosocial behavior, an action that benefits another person, regardless of the motivation behind it or whether the person performing the act also gains something. Altruism can take many forms, from simple gestures like holding the door open for the person behind you to donating money or volunteering in disaster-affected areas to support survivors. According to psychologists, there are four main types of altruism:

• Pure altruism: Also known as moral altruism, this type is driven by our values and moral beliefs. It happens when we help someone without expecting anything in return, even if doing so puts us at cost or risk (Weiss-Sidi & Riemer, 2023).
• Reciprocal altruism: This type is based on a give-and-take relationship. We help others because we believe they may return the favor someday (Oda & Hayahashi, 2024).
• Group-based altruism: This involves helping people who belong to the same social group as us. We are often more likely to support those we see as part of our own community or group.
• Genetic altruism: As the name suggests, this type involves helping our close family members or genetic relatives through altruistic behavior (Ando & Kawamoto, 2021).

What motivates us to act for others?

Beyond understanding what altruism is, psychologists are also interested in where altruistic behavior comes from. While there is no single, clear explanation, several theories can offer insight into why we choose to help others. To better understand what drives these acts of kindness, psychologists often explore five main explanations: evolution, brain-based rewards, environmental influences, social norms, and incentives.

The question of whether some people are simply born with a tendency to help others has been discussed for a long time. Research suggests that behaviors like altruism, empathy, and cooperation may be partly influenced by our genes (Ando & Kawamoto, 2021). This means that, for some of us, the desire to care for and support others may be connected to the traits we naturally carry.

But altruism is not only about what we are born with. Scientists have also found that helping others can actually make us feel good. When we act in an altruistic way, areas of the brain linked to reward and pleasure may become active, creating what is known as the “helper’s high.” This positive feeling can encourage us to continue helping others in the future (Filkowski et al., 2016).

The way we develop altruistic behaviors is also shaped by the world around us. The people we grow up with, our relationships, and the behaviors we see every day can influence how we treat others. When we witness someone showing kindness and compassion, we may be more likely to do the same. However, this can look different depending on our personal experience and culture (Jung et al., 2020).

Our choices are also influenced by the expectations and values of the society and culture we live in. In many cultures, being selfless, helpful, and caring can bring social recognition and strengthen our connections with others. Sometimes, we may also help others because we want to participate in the social expectation of reciprocity (Mahmodi et al., 2018).

Sometimes, there are internal motivations behind our altruistic actions that we may not even notice. Feelings such as empathy or the desire to reduce emotional discomfort can influence the way we respond to others. For example, the “empathy-altruism hypothesis” suggests that when we feel empathy for someone experiencing distress, we become more likely to help them (Miyazono & Inarimori, 2021). As social beings, we naturally respond to the suffering of others. When we see someone in pain, we may feel distress ourselves, and helping that person can become a way to support them while also easing the difficult emotions we experience, especially emotions stirred by witnessing their suffering (Weiss-Sidi & Riemer, 2023).

How does altruism affect mental wellbeing?

There have been many studies exploring how acts of altruism affect our mental well-being. Beyond activating areas of the brain linked to reward and pleasure, helping others can also reduce stress and anxiety by triggering the release of endorphins, which may contribute to lower levels of cortisol (Post, 2005).

Altruistic behavior can also give us a greater sense of purpose, fulfillment, and self-worth while helping us build stronger connections with others. When we show kindness and support to those around us, we often experience a deeper sense of meaning and belonging, which can contribute to greater life satisfaction, resilience, and self-esteem.

Can helping others become a way to neglect ourselves?

As with many things in life, balance matters when we are engaging in actions that benefit and support others. While helping others can be deeply rewarding, constantly putting others’ needs before our own can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. In fact, excessive helping and caring for others can sometimes become a coping mechanism in our lives. For example, we may find ourselves focusing so much on others that it becomes a way of avoiding the uncomfortable feelings we carry or the issues we need to face within ourselves. Helping others might provide us with a sense of control, purpose, or worth that we may be struggling to connect with in other areas of our lives.

This does not mean that our kindness is not genuine or that we should stop caring for others. Instead, it can serve as an opportunity for reflection, to better understand our own needs and make space for the parts of ourselves that may have been overlooked. By tending to our own well-being, we can continue supporting others and contributing to the causes we care about without losing sight of ourselves in the process.

Finding a healthy balance between caring for others and taking care of ourselves allows altruism to remain a source of connection and well-being, while also serving as a foundation for building thriving communities.

Takeaways

• Altruism means helping others without expecting anything in return. The four main types are pure altruism, genetic altruism, group-based altruism, and reciprocal altruism.
• Altruistic behavior may be influenced by genetics, brain-based rewards, social norms, and our environment. Helping others can activate the brain’s reward system, creating the “helper’s high.”
• Altruism can support mental well-being by reducing stress and increasing life satisfaction, resilience, and self-esteem.
• Altruism can sometimes become a way of coping with difficult emotions or avoiding our own needs. Reflecting on why we help others and finding a balance between the two allows us to care for ourselves while continuing to support the people and causes that matter to us.

References

• Ando J, Kawamoto T. Genetic and environmental structure of altruism characterized by recipients in relation to personality. Medicina (Kaunas). 2021;57(6):593. doi:10.3390/medicina57060593 
• Filkowski MM, Cochran RN, Haas BW. Altruistic behavior: mapping responses in the brain. Neurosci Neuroecon. 2016;5:65-75. doi:10.2147/NAN.S87718
• Jung H, Seo E, Han E, Henderson MD, Patall EA. Prosocial modeling: A meta-analytic review and synthesis. Psychol Bull. 2020;146(8):635-663. doi:10.1037/bul0000235
• Mahmoodi A, Bahrami B, Mehring C. Reciprocity of social influence. Nat Commun. 2018;9(1):2474. doi:10.1038/s41467-018-04925-y
• Miyazono K, Inarimori K. Empathy, altruism, and group identification. Front Psychol. 2021;12:749315. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.749315 
• Oda R, Hayashi N. Deciding who is worthy of help: Effect of the probability of reciprocity on individuals’ willingness to help others. Evol Psychol. 2024;22(2):14747049241254725. doi:10.1177/14747049241254725
• Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It’s good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 12(2), 66-77. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327558ijbm1202_4 
• Weiss-Sidi M, Riemer H. Help others-be happy? The effect of altruistic behavior on happiness across cultures. Front Psychol. 2023;14:1156661. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1156661 

---

At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy. 

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a session with our mental health professionals to begin your healing journey. To get started with therapy, you can fill out our inquiry form. You may use this form whether you plan to use insurance benefits, self-pay, or out-of-network benefits, and to receive details about your out-of-pocket costs and our therapists’ availability. Once your appointment is confirmed, you’ll receive intake documents to complete before your first session.

This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health-related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago and Lakeview on Chicago’s North Side, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.