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Difficulty Experiencing and Identifying Feelings: Developing Emotional Awareness

Most of the time, we recognize emotions are biological and psychological markers that influence how we behave, think, and interact with those around us. Considering this, emotions are an essential part of our lives, and due to this importance, emotions are a broad concept that has been the subject of research for decades. Whereas Ekman identified seven basic universal emotions in the 1990s, Charles Darwin identified 34 different emotions, and Plutchik’s model identified 27 emotion categories (Ekman, 1992; Darwin, 1872; Plutchik, 2001).  Plutchik noted that the model encompasses numerous emotions with varying degrees of severity. That brings the question of how we identify our emotions and what happens if we can not recognize them. In this mini sketch, we will explore the concept of difficulty in identifying, experiencing, and expressing emotions. 

Emotions are subjective responses that arise from internal or external situations. In the studies conducted so far, researchers have defined emotion in various ways. One of the most important of these researchers is Paul Ekman, who categorized emotions with universal facial expressions. Following his comprehensive study, he identified six basic universal emotions. These are: happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. Later on, shame was added to these six basic emotions (Ekman, 1992). There are many reasons why humans developed a vast repertoire of emotions. For example, emotions enable us to act. In situations where our life is threatened, fear prompts us to take action to protect ourselves from the threat. Emotions give us warnings about the course of our lives. For example, we may react emotionally with sadness, fear, and/or surprise when an unexpected situation causes a significant change in the usual course of our lives. The memory of the emotions felt reminds the person of the strategies developed in the past to face similar situations and enables them to take action. Another function of emotions is that they provide clues for the person to get help from others in situations that they cannot cope with individually. For example, the problem may be an unexpected loss. In short, emotions elicit significant responses that protect us throughout our lives. What if we cannot identify or experience the emotions that are meant to guide and protect us?

Emotional Awareness: Difficulty in experiencing, identifying, or linking emotions

While we are inherently attuned to emotions, not everyone has the same level of emotional awareness. For some, emotions may feel confusing, overwhelming, or even not exist in the first place. Struggling to experience, identify, or connect emotions can affect several aspects of our lives. Below, we explore three specific reasons why we experience these difficulties and outline some steps that might help to address them. 

  • Difficulty Experiencing Emotions:  This can be due to an unawareness of our emotions. Difficulty in experiencing feelings can stem from several factors, including past trauma, cultural or familial conditioning, chronic stress and anxiety, and so on. Individuals who struggle with experiencing feelings may be unaware of their emotions. This can lead to problems with decision-making, relationship-building, and overall life satisfaction. When individuals are unable to experience their feelings, they may:
    • Struggle to make mindful decisions, as emotions play a critical role in weighing options and understanding personal values; 
    • Challenged to form deep, meaningful relationships due to an inability to connect emotionally with others
    • Experience a diminished capacity to enjoy life, as emotions are essential for experiencing pleasure, satisfaction, and a sense of purpose. 
  • Difficulty Identifying Feelings: Individuals who struggle to identify their feelings may find it challenging to label and express their emotions. This difficulty can be rooted in several factors, including upbringing, cultural norms, trauma, or simply a lack of emotional education. Some emotions, such as anger, fear, envy, competition, and shame, can be particularly difficult to identify and acknowledge. When individuals cannot identify their feelings, they may experience:
    • Increased anxiety and confusion due to the inability to understand their emotions
    • Difficulty in communicating needs to others. This can lead to challenges with loved ones
    • A sense of being overwhelmed by emotions that feel unmanageable
    • Challenges in making decisions and understanding their motivations and reactions. 

It is important to note that difficulty identifying emotions also leads to negative emotions such as anger or anxiety due to a sense of losing control.

  • Difficulty Linking Feelings and Experiences: Emotions may seem to arise out of nowhere, which can also be confusing and lead to a sense of losing control.  This disconnect can be due to various factors, including past trauma, suppression of emotions, lack of emotional education, or chronic stress. Without understanding the triggers and contexts of their emotions, individuals may feel helpless and out of control. When individuals cannot link their feelings with their experiences, they may experience:
    • A sense of confusion and frustration, as emotions seem unmanageable and uncontrollable
    • Difficulties with interpersonal relationships due to misunderstanding and unexplained emotional reactions
    • A lack of insight into their emotional triggers might lead to repeated negative patterns and behaviors.
    • Challenges in effectively communicating their needs and emotions to others. 

Being able to link feelings to experiences can enable individuals to communicate more effectively, obtain what they need from the world, and gain insight into how their reactions and behaviors affect others. 

Overall, when these challenges persist, significantly interfere with emotional communication, and impact daily functioning, they may be characterized as alexithymia. Alexithymia refers to a difficulty in recognizing, naming, and describing one’s emotions. People with alexithymia often sense that something is happening emotionally but struggle to articulate those emotions or connect them with specific experiences. While not classified as a mental disorder, alexithymia is associated with emotional issues, stress-related problems, and difficulties in relationships (Hogeveen & Grafman, 2021). However, it is vital to note that these difficulties can be experienced by anyone from time to time, especially during periods of stress, emotional overload, or lack of emotional knowledge. If you are experiencing any of these, here is what you can do to improve your emotional awareness:

What to do if you have difficulty experiencing emotions?

  • You can use emotion wheels to find specific words that describe your feelings.
  • You can explore new words for naming emotions and practice doing so by consciously naming emotions as they arise, both in writing and verbally.
  • Emotions also have a significant impact on the body. Mindfulness exercises that focus on breathing can help you center your attention on the present moment and reduce current stress to explore deeper emotions. Furthermore, you can perform body scans to detect physical sensations linked to your emotions.
  • Exercising regularly can reduce stress and increase body awareness, which can contribute to detecting physical sensations linked to your emotions. 

What to do if you have difficulty identifying emotions?

  • You can start by asking reflective questions to yourself, such as “What am I feeling right now?” and “What triggered this emotion?”
  • If the questions are not helpful, you can further use reflective prompts to identify your emotions. You can try to recall a similar situation that made you feel that strong emotion.
  • You can analyze your past emotional responses by reflecting on how you reacted emotionally to different situations and why.
  • You can discuss your feelings with friends or family and talk about your emotions with supportive loved ones or a therapist.

What to do if you have difficulty linking emotions and experiences?

  • You can practice role-playing different scenarios to explore how you might feel and how you would react in those situations.
  • You can write down the emotions you experienced throughout the day, much like in a journal, and add possible triggers. This can help you connect emotions and experiences.  You can also note physical sensations associated with the emotions you feel (tightness in the chest, shortness of breath, or butterflies in the stomach). Journaling can also help you re-review your past experiences and see patterns about how you react after certain emotions.

Practicing the skills necessary to understand how you experience and identify emotions can significantly enhance your emotional intelligence and overall well-being. By engaging in activities such as journaling, role-playing, mindfulness, and reflection, you can cultivate a deeper understanding of your emotional states and enhance your ability to articulate and manage your feelings. These practices, when combined with ongoing therapeutic support, can lead to enhanced emotional well-being and a more fulfilling life.

Takeaways

  • Understanding emotions is crucial to improving self-awareness and relationships with others.
  • Many people face difficulties experiencing emotions, often feeling numb or disconnected.
  • Confusion and communication problems can arise from difficulty in experiencing, identifying, and linking emotions. 
  • To overcome the difficulty in experiencing emotions, you can use emotion wheels, learn to label emotions, and practice mindfulness techniques regularly, as well as exercise to identify physical sensations linked to emotions, which can help you gain a sense of control over your emotions.
  • To overcome the difficulty in identifying emotions, you can start asking yourself several questions about them, reflecting on old memories, examining your past reactions, and discussing these reactions with loved ones or a therapist. 
  • To overcome the difficulty linking experiences and emotions, you can practice role-playing and journaling. 

References: 

  • Darwin, C. (1872). The expression of the emotions in man and animals. London: John Murray.
  • Ekman, P. (1992). An argument for basic emotions. Cognition & Emotion, 6(3-4), 169–200. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699939208411068
  • Plutchik, R. (2001). The nature of emotions. American Scientist, 89(4), 344–350.
  • Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of Emotion Regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271-299.
  • Lane RD, Schwartz GE. Levels of emotional awareness: a cognitive-developmental theory and its application to psychopathology. Am J Psychiatry. (1987) 144:133–43. doi: 10.1176/ajp.144.2.133
  • Lane RD, Smith R. Levels of emotional awareness: theory and measurement of a socio-emotional skill. J Intell. (2021) 9:42. doi: 10.3390/jintelligence9030042
  • Hogeveen, J., & Grafman, J. (2021). Alexithymia. Handbook of clinical neurology, 183, 47–62. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-822290-4.00004-9

While our physical offices are located in South Loop and Lakeview neighborhoods in Chicago, Illinois for in-person sessions, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more.  

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At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy. 

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a session with our mental health professionals to begin your healing journey. To get started with therapy, visit our booking page.

First, decide if you’ll be paying out-of-pocket or using insurance. If you’re a self-pay client, you can book directly through the “Book Now” page or fill out the “Self-Pay/Out-of-network Inquiry Form.” If you’re using insurance, fill out the “Insurance Verification Form” to receive details about your costs and availability. Please let us know your preferred therapist. If your preferred therapist isn’t available, you can join the waitlist by emailing us. Once your appointment is confirmed, you’ll receive intake documents to complete before your first session.

This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.