Do you need to fully overcome social anxiety to connect with others?

The need to belong is a deeply rooted, universal human experience. When you walk into a room, your eyes instinctively search for a familiar or friendly face. Your life becomes richer through supportive families, communities, and friendships. However, sometimes, this need for connection is blocked, not because people do not want you, but because you are consumed with what they might be thinking about you.

Social anxiety, defined as an intense fear of social or performance situations in which others may scrutinize one, can significantly limit an individual’s life. This is more than occasional shyness; it is a pattern of anticipatory worry, increased physiological arousal, and avoidance that closely affects relationships and quality of life.

In this context, radical acceptance based on Dialectical Behavior Therapy provides a robust framework for addressing social anxiety by supporting the nonjudgmental acceptance of emotions and thoughts, reducing experiential avoidance, and encouraging participation in life despite discomfort. In this mini sketch, you will explore how radical acceptance can shift the way you relate to social anxiety and open new possibilities for connection.

Living in the Shadow of Social Anxiety

Clinically, this unhealthy preoccupation with how others may perceive or judge us is labeled Social Anxiety (APA, 2022). It is one of the most common mental health concerns that many individuals face, knowingly and unknowingly. Ironically, the overpreoccupation with how others perceive you can hinder social connectedness and interpersonal effectiveness in many ways. You may know the feeling well:

Your heart races just thinking about socializing.
Your voice catches, your hands tremble, or words vanish when you try to speak.
You isolate yourself, not because you do not want connection, but because the fear of rejection feels unbearable.
You hold back from experiences you secretly long for, worried others will see you as ‘’awkward’’, ‘’rude’’, or ‘’weird’’.

The barriers presented by symptoms associated with social anxiety can prevent you from: engaging in new experiences in order to make new connections, engaging consistently in already established relationships, and participating in desirable experiences due to the fear of being judged and or perceived negatively.

Most of the time, this fear does not appear suddenly. Perhaps you were bullied, constantly criticized by your parents, or grew up in a home where mistakes were not tolerated. These experiences can distort your self-perception and lead you to believe that you need to hide or suppress your true self.

Finding Freedom Through Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance comes into play right here. Based on the Dialectical Behavior Therapy approach, this practice invites you to accept the reality of the situation, your thoughts, and your feelings without judgment; instead of fighting them, it invites you to move through them. In fact, as you master this skill, it helps you focus on the present moment and increase your stress tolerance (how well you manage stress or stressful situations), enabling you to function despite potential triggers that could cause stress.

Now pause for a moment and imagine this scenario:

You have been invited to a welcome party for new students. Deep down, you want to make a fresh start, but at the same time, your stomach is churning, and disturbing thoughts are running through your mind: What if they think I am weird? What if my clumsiness comes across as rude? What if no one likes me?

You take a breath. This time, you try a different approach.

First, you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings about going to the party. Yes, I am nervous.
You accept them without judgment and allow yourself to feel them. It is perfectly normal to feel nervous when doing something for the first time.
You accept the facts: Some people may like you, some may not. That is okay. The purpose of tonight is not to impress everyone; it is to meet new people and have a good time.
By practicing radical acceptance, you do not erase your anxiety. Instead, you tell yourself: Even if I am scared, I can still go.

The narrative above outlines three steps to practicing radical acceptance:

Check in with your feelings and thoughts.
Allow yourself to acknowledge and feel them, whether they are positive or negative.
Accept the reality of the situation, and if necessary, reframe your thinking so that it is more aligned with that reality.

Radical acceptance, like all skills, must be practiced in order for it to be as effective as we need it to be. Sometimes, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who can guide you and provide complementary tools, such as mindfulness, that will help you stay grounded.

A Final Note For You

Living with social anxiety can be exhausting. It can impact your thoughts, behavior in social situations, and even your self-perception. You may find yourself listening to conversations over and over again, worrying about how you look, or avoiding situations where you secretly wish you could enjoy yourself.

But here is the truth: You do not have to wait for your anxiety to disappear to live a full and connected life. When you develop an appropriate toolbox filled with skills such as radical acceptance to cope with social anxiety, it is possible to build healthy, satisfying, and meaningful relationships. Through radical acceptance, you learn to accept your emotions rather than spending all your energy fighting them, and still move forward toward what matters to you (Linehan, 2015). Moreover, you allow yourself to stay in the moment, participate in conversations, and be yourself. Over time, each step you take builds resilience and makes anxiety less overwhelming for you (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).

Moreover, most importantly, you do not have to be ‘’perfect’’ to deserve connection, which is not realistic anyway. Social bonds do not stem from flawless performance; they arise from authenticity and being genuinely present. You are already worthy of belonging, not after you fix yourself, but precisely as you are, right now, in this moment.

Take aways

Radical acceptance does not erase fear; it teaches you to walk with it, rather than against it.
Social connection is not built on perfection, but on authenticity and presence.
You are worthy of belonging not once you ‘’fix’’ yourself, but exactly as you are, in this very moment.
Growth does not happen when you avoid discomfort; it happens when you learn to live with it.
Every step you take toward connection is an act of courage that reshapes the way you experience yourself and others.

References

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-05780-000
Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility is a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). Washington, DC: APA.

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497

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At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy.

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

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