Is my job part of who I am?

Have you ever thought, “Who am I?” and the answer starts with a sentence like “I am a therapist”, “I am a teacher”, “I am a manager”? For most of us, work is not just something we do; it is a way of understanding who we are. When we spend most of the day at work, we often embed our own values, competence, and sometimes love in it. Regardless of how you answer the “who I am” question, identity has a broader meaning: identity refers to your positioning in the social world. It is the way you see yourself in relation to others, in groups, or as part of institutions, that makes sense of who you are. We have multiple identities, and these are shaped in the context. And work identity is one of the identities we hold and are shaped by, including the profession itself, our experiences, and our relationships with colleagues and supervisors. For example, the happiness we feel when a project is finished is an affirmation not only of success but of our identity. Conversely, when we receive criticism or make a mistake at work, it might impact our self-esteem. The identities are really close relationships with our self-concepts; each contributes uniquely to our well-being in terms of sense of belonging and meaning. However, sometimes we might lose the contributions our identities make and no longer feel we belong there. Or, on the contrary, we might lose balance between identities and make one of them more central for us. In this therapy sketch, we will explore the concept of identity in terms of work and how it can impact our sense of belonging.

Why do we have a “work identity”?

According to social psychology theories, we all have multiple identities. You might see yourself as a therapist, a colleague, a student, a friend, a daughter, or a member of a cultural group, and each of these identities plays a role in how you make sense of yourself. But why do we have them? Because identity helps us understand where we belong and how to act in different contexts. Social psychology has extensive research and theories to explain the concept of identity (or self, as they are used interchangeably). One of the leading theories, Henri Tajfel’s Social Identity Theory, explains that people define themselves, in part, through the groups they belong to. These group memberships provide a sense of belonging and meaning, and they tell us not only who we are, but also how we should behave and what we should value. Think about how we start to speak a little differently after joining a new workplace, or how our sense of humor begins to align with our team’s tone. We might even find ourselves staying late because “that’s just what people here do,” or feeling proud when our organization achieves something, even if we weren’t directly involved. Little by little, the group’s rhythm becomes our own as we feel more belong.

Sense of belonging to work

Moreover, social identity theory suggests that belonging is not just a feeling, but a psychological outcome of identifying with a group (in this case, the workplace itself). When individuals internalize their professional roles and organizational values, belonging transforms from “working somewhere” into “being part of something.” This sense of belonging meets the need to feel connected and accepted by others, which is one of the most fundamental needs. At work, it helps us see ourselves as part of something bigger, where our personal goals and the group’s goals start to feel like they’re on the same path. It’s the moment when “what I do” begins to feel aligned with “who I am.”

However, that might not always be the case. Sometimes, our work environment does not reflect our values, or we might feel like we don’t belong there. We may still show up, complete tasks, and follow routines, but something deeper feels misaligned. This is where work begins to feel like a place of survival rather than growth. This mismatch can lead to disengagement, emotional exhaustion, or even identity confusion, as the identity we bring to work no longer feels like who we are.

A sense of belonging at work, or lack thereof, can profoundly affect work performance. For example, when a person feels excluded, unnoticed, or does not feel a sense of belonging at work, motivation decreases, engagement drops, and emotional exhaustion sets in. But sometimes the opposite can also happen. The boundaries between other identities and work identity are slowly erased. Work is no longer a part of life and becomes the center of life. At both extremes, identity and balance are lost, one through a lack of sense of belonging, the other through over-identification.

Lack of Sense of Belonging to the Work:

A lack of belonging to the work does not always manifest as conflict or crisis. Sometimes you might feel fatigue, a lack of enthusiasm for your work, or simply disconnection. Sometimes you might try to think about what motivated you to start or why you continue working (independent of compensation), but you cannot find it, or you might start imagining yourself in very different workplaces or positions. These thoughts and dreams may actually project a workplace that reflects your values and often signal an inner tension between who you are and the environment you work in. This experience is described as cognitive dissonance. That is, the discomfort we feel when what we do, the roles we take on, or the environment we are in contradicts our inner beliefs and values. Cognitive dissonance has three components: beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. Here is an example of these components:

Belief: Let’s say that you believe that continuous learning and professional growth are essential for both personal fulfillment and career success
Attitude: You may value curiosity and feel motivated when you have opportunities to develop new skills.
Behavior: However, if you work in a role that offers little variety, limited feedback, or involves repeating the same things over and over every day, your actions conflict with what you believe and value over time.

According to cognitive dissonance theory, this misalignment creates internal discomfort and can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout.

Over-identification with work:

Over-identification, on the other hand, represents the opposite side. It means a person’s self-concept becomes deeply tied to a single identity, in this case, their professional role. If we overidentify ourselves with work, it becomes more than what we do for a living; it becomes the primary way we understand and define ourselves. Work can begin to take on many other meanings, such as success, productivity, or recognition. Following that, taking a rest or slowing down may feel like failure. This might lead to neglecting our identities that define us. For example:

Neglecting our needs: We might become so focused on meeting or work tasks that we might forget to meet our own needs, such as maintaining relationships with loved ones, caring for our health, or simply doing things that bring us joy.
Difficulty in Protecting Boundaries: Overidentification might make it difficult to say “no” to work tasks eventhough though they are not in line with the values that made you overidentify yourself at the beginning.
Threat to Safety: When our identity depends too heavily on our work, making any mistakes when working or losing that work can feel like losing a part of ourselves.

When we begin to recognize these patterns, such as losing a sense of belonging or overidentification, it’s often a sign that the balance between who we are and what we do has started to shift. Both experiences can quietly drain our energy and blur our sense of self, just in different ways. Noticing these patterns is an important step to thinking, “How can we rebuild a healthier relationship with work that allows connection without losing ourselves in it?” Eventhough answers might change person to person, here are some insights from the mental health field that can guide you along the way.

Start with Self-Compassion: Research on self-compassion (Neff, 2003) shows that treating ourselves with the same kindness we offer others reduces perfectionism and emotional exhaustion. Self-compassion softens the inner critic that often drives overwork and helps you reconnect with your worth beyond productivity.
Learn ways to reduce cognitive dissonance: According to Aronson et al., three basic ways are defined to reduce cognitive dissonance as follows:
- Evaluate your beliefs and attitudes: You might start asking yourself, “What matters most to me at work?” This can be financial stability, achievement, connection, or creativity. Sometimes our beliefs about success come from the culture or workplace rather than from ourselves. Understanding your beliefs with your authentic values can reduce internal conflict and help you find meaning again
- Change or add a new cognition: Adding new, more balanced beliefs can help ease discomfort. For example, instead of “I must always perform perfectly,” try “I can do good work while also resting.”These small reframes protect your sense of self and make space for flexibility
- Change your behavior: Even small shifts in behavior can restore balance. As mentioned above, if you believe that work is a place for growth but feel your work has been too stable for a long time, finding new ways to learn more in your job can help. For example, that can include seeking new learning opportunities, asking for feedback, mentoring others, or even introducing minor improvements to daily tasks.
Maintain Boundaries: Using clear boundaries between work and personal life can protect well-being, especially if you feel like you are overidentifying with your work or profession. Creating routines that mark the “end of the workday,” or giving more space to your other identities or your needs ,can remind you that you exist beyond your professional role.
Try to Find Balance: What we mean by balance is not just timing; it actually includes flexibility between identities. Shifting between roles in a flexible way (being aware of this shift) can prevent you from rigidly staying in one. Techniques such as mindfulness can help you to be present during these shifts.
Seek Help: And sometimes, finding balance within ourselves and our lives might require support. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you explore the roots of overidentification and the values that truly matter to you.

Takeaways:

We have multiple identities, and these are shaped in the context. And work identity is one of the identities we hold.
These group identities provide a sense of belonging and meaning, and they tell us not only who we are, but also how we should behave and what we should value.
However, sometimes we might lose the contributions our identities make and no longer feel we belong there. Or, on the contrary, we might lose balance between identities and make one of them more central for us.
When we begin to recognize these patterns, such as losing a sense of belonging or overidentification, we can use self-compassion, learn ways to reduce cognitive dissonance, maintain boundaries, try to find balance, and seek help.

References:

Aronson, E., Wilson, T. D., Akert, R. M., & Sommers, S. R. (2019). Social Psychology (10th ed.). Pearson.
Ashforth, B. E., Kreiner, G. E., & Fugate, M. (2000). All in a day’s work: Boundaries and micro role transitions. Academy of Management Review, 25(3), 472–491.
Avanzi, L., van Dick, R., Fraccaroli, F., & Sarchielli, G. (2012). The downside of organizational identification: Relations between identification, workaholism, and well-being. Work & Stress, 26(3), 289–307.
Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Turner, J. C., Hogg, M. A., Oakes, P. J., Reicher, S. D., & Wetherell, M. S. (1987). Rediscovering the Social Group: A Self-Categorization Theory. Basil Blackwell.
Harrel, E. (2025, May 5). You are not your job. Center for Compassionate Leadership. https://www.centerforcompassionateleadership.org/blog/you-are-not-your-job
Wilson, S. N. (2022, March 10). The dangers of cognitive dissonance on workplace decision-making and performance. Sarah Noll Wilson. https://sarahnollwilson.com/blog/the-dangers-of-cognitive-dissonance-on-workplace-decision-making-and-performance/

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