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Rituals During Christmas

Christmas is one of the most colorful times of the year. You can see Christmas trees, hats, and gift options to buy loved ones everywhere. It is time to share small moments with loved ones, which can make these memories feel warmer than ever, even though the weather outside is freezing cold. What turns Christmas into a spirit, despite the cold and the chaos, is not the season itself but the rituals we return to during this time, like the gestures, shared traditions, and moments of connection that give meaning to the experience.

In this sense, Christmas offers a kind of collective ritual. Rituals are described as an important pattern of connection in relationships. For example, according to John Gottman, rituals of connection are the small, repeated moments that help couples feel emotionally safe, seen, and connected over time. While Gottman’s concept of rituals of connection was developed in the context of romantic relationships, similar patterns of connection can be observed in families, friendships, and collective celebrations. Moreover, collective rituals, like those associated with Christmas, can also take on more personal forms. Over time, they become shaped within families, friendships, and romantic relationships, each developing their own version of what connection looks like during this season. In this mini sketch, we explore why rituals matter so deeply and how to build meaningful new ones when they don’t yet exist.

What are rituals?

Rituals are repeated behaviors that carry shared meaning. When we mention rituals, we do not mean big, special, or elaborate events. Rituals are intentional actions with emotional significance. A ritual can be as simple as drinking coffee together in the morning, checking in at the end of the day, or returning to the same traditions year after year. What makes these rituals is not the action itself, but the sense of “this is ours.” 

John Gottman describes rituals as small, repeated interactions that help couples feel emotionally safe, seen, and connected over time. These rituals can be daily, weekly, or seasonal, and they often develop naturally rather than being intentionally planned. When rituals are present, relationships tend to feel more grounded and resilient. Gottman argues that when rituals are missing, even strong relationships can begin to feel distant and disconnected. And this does not limit romantic relationships only. Similar patterns exist in families, friendships, and collective settings because they are all different types of relationships. From a relational perspective, rituals provide structure and predictability. They offer moments that people can return to, especially during times of stress, uncertainty, or transition. These repeated experiences help relationships feel steadier and more emotionally secure, even when circumstances around them change. In relationships, rituals signal presence, care, and commitment without the need for constant explanation or reassurance.

Why do we need them?

We need our rituals for different purposes, and each ritual can offer a different kind of meaning depending on the context and the relationships. Despite their differences, they often share common themes about why we need them. 

  • Social Connectedness: As we are social beings, social connectedness plays a fundamental role across our lifespan. For example, during infancy, Early caregiving routines, such as feeding, soothing, and bedtime practices, serve as relational rituals that help establish trust and emotional security. As we grow older, similar needs for connection are met through shared rituals within families, friendships, and romantic relationships.
  • Need of Belonging: And beyond individual connection, we also have a fundamental need for belonging to a group. Because group memberships provide a sense of identity and social meaning to us, they help us to see where we fit within the relational and cultural world. So rituals can play a role in that part as well because repeating those rituals with family members, friends, or community members helps us learn the values and emotional language of our group. 
  • Coping Mechanism: Rituals can function as a coping mechanism, especially for stress, loss, and trauma. When some rituals are taken with others, such as joining a Christmas dinner or returning home, individuals might experience perceived social support, help regulate emotions, and provide a sense of continuity during difficult periods. In addition, rituals offer predictability and stability. Repeating these practices year after year can create a reassuring sense of familiarity, reminding individuals that even when circumstances change, some meaningful experiences remain consistent.

In this sense, Christmas seems to fulfill one or multiple needs by strengthening our relationships and their rituals. Beyond the gifts, decorations, and meals, the holiday invites us to reconnect with loved ones, slow down, and create shared meaning. Decorating the tree together, preparing a meal for the family, watching the same movie each year, or sharing memories from the past year can become meaningful rituals.

Common Rituals During Christmas

As you might be familiar with, some rituals associated with Christmas are widely shared. Here are some examples: 

  • Gift Exchange
  • Decorating
  • Hosting or Joining Christmas Dinner

Over time, families, couples, and friend groups personalize rituals in ways that reflect their own values, histories, and relationships. A gift exchange may become symbolic rather than material, setting up a Christmas tree may turn into more than decoration, and Christmas dinner may become a gathering for people who might not see one another throughout the year.

What makes these rituals meaningful is not how closely they look like traditional ways, but how well they reflect the people who share them. Although rituals are often portrayed as having a “right” or “perfect” way of being done, in reality, every ritual evolves over time. As relationships change and life circumstances shift, rituals naturally adapt to reflect what feels meaningful in that moment. This also reminds us that rituals do not have to look a certain way or be shared in the same way by everyone. So, the rituals can also take quieter and personal forms. 

Not every Christmas Ritual Needs to Be Collective 

Christmas is often described as a time of togetherness; however, it can also be a time to reflect on how you felt this year. With personal rituals, you can reconnect with yourself while celebrating the holiday’s collectivity. Unlike shared traditions, personal rituals are not performed with others; they support emotional regulation and self-reflection.

At Christmas, these rituals can become a powerful and essential part of this time and beyond, your whole life:

  • Journaling: Writing at Christmas can support your emotional regulation and narrative skills by reflecting on what the year has given you and your future selves.
  • Solo walk: A quiet walk in nature allows us to regulate our emotions and thoughts. Also, it’s comforting to see Christmas lights during a solo walk.
  • Setting intentions: Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, setting intentions can foster a sense of agency without pressure. 

This list can be expanded and varied. At Christmas, personal rituals offer an opportunity to slow down and reconnect with ourselves and our inner worlds. If you don’t have any rituals, it is not too late to create new ones by asking yourself: “ How can I feel more grounded during this time of the year? What are my emotional and physical needs? What feels supportive to me during holidays?” Your answers can become rituals themselves. 

 You can customize these rituals for your own life and expectations. There is no “right” or “perfect” Christmas ritual. Whether it is something collective or personal, what truly matters is that a ritual creates meaning and emotional support for you. 

Takeaways:

  • Rituals are repeated behaviors that carry shared meaning.
  • Collective rituals, like those associated with Christmas, can also take on more personal forms. Over time, they become shaped within families, friendships, and romantic relationships, each developing their own version of what connection looks like during this season.
  • We need rituals for different purposes, and each ritual can convey different meanings depending on context and relationships. 
  • Rituals do not have to look a certain way or be shared in the same way by everyone. 
  • The rituals can also take quieter and personal forms. Personal rituals are not performed with others; they support emotional regulation and self-reflection.
  • If you don’t have any rituals, it is not too late to create new ones by asking yourselfIf you don’t have any rituals, it is not too late to create new ones by asking yourself questions to define your needs. 

References:

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