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How to talk to our children about mental health?

Talking to our children about mental health can be challenging. Even though we are often comfortable talking about physical health, such as allergies, we more easily avoid and/or brush off mental health topics. This could be due to not having enough information about the topic ourselves, or having shame, guilt, or fear around harming our children by saying the wrong thing. However, open conversations about mental health can remove stigma around mental health, make our children more equipped to overcome mental health challenges themselves, and make them more likely to seek help when they need to.

How do conversations about mental health affect our children?

Children are affected by what we say or don’t say. Still, talking about difficult topics with our children can be anxiety- and fear-inducing for us too, causing us to avoid such topics altogether. For example:

  • We may worry that we don’t have enough information.
  • We may have learned not to discuss mental health while growing up and feel shame or guilt around it.
  • We may fear unintentionally harming our children by saying the wrong thing.
  • We may worry that simply talking about it could lead children to develop mental health challenges.

However, many of us directly or indirectly experience mental health challenges in our lives, and our children will most likely need to deal with such challenges at some point in their lives, either in themselves or in others.

Avoiding such topics can lead our children to develop a false sense that:

  • Mental health topics are too difficult to talk about
  • They should be hidden and avoided.
  • They are one’s own responsibility and should be dealt with in silence
  • And all of the above can lead to unnecessary distress, confusion, and self-blame.

Open conversations about mental health, on the other hand, can lead to the following (Jung et al., 2017; Davies et al., 2021):

  • They help reduce stigma,
  • They help our children cope with mental health challenges better,
  • They make it more likely that our children will ask for help when they need it,
  • They make it more likely that our children will support others.

How can we talk to our children about mental health?

Before our conversation:

  • Learn about the topic: Research shows that a lack of knowledge about the topic is one of the common reasons caregivers feel reluctant to talk about mental health (Grey et al., 2022). Educating ourselves by reading credible resources and talking to professionals can support this. Options such as therapy and parenting coaching can provide us with additional resources.
  • Check in with yourself: Even when we have the facts, our emotional state can shift our conversations to a different spot. When we feel tired, afraid, frustrated, or anxious, we are more likely to project these feelings onto others through our word choices or body language. Our children may pick up on this stress and internalize messages we don’t intend to convey. Having difficult conversations when we feel unwell, such as tired, sleepless, or hungry, can also increase our own frustration, making us less likely to start such conversations in the future. Checking in with ourselves and engaging in self-care are essential parts of effective communication.
  • Plan: You can plan what you will talk about, when, and how in advance. For example, you can try to define the main message you want to convey, and think about possible reactions and how to respond to them.

During our conversation:

When and where?

  • You can choose a safe, calm moment when you can stay afterward to answer questions and minimize distractions.
  • You can avoid public places or times when the conversation may end abruptly, such as just before leaving for school, or crowded cafes.
  • You can consider when your child typically feels most comfortable and open to talk, such as during dinner or playtime.

How?

  • Start by understanding what your child already knows: Start by asking open questions like “What do you think it means?” and listen before explaining. Reflect back what your child says, then gently add or clarify information based on their understanding. Avoid yes/no questions at first, as they limit what your child can share.
  • Use age-appropriate language: language develops over time, and depending on their age, children may need different language. Especially with younger children, we may need more concrete, simple, short sentences broken into clear instructions. For example, even though it seems straightforward to us, when we tell a young child to “put your shoes away,” they may not know this means taking them off and putting them in the shoe closet. Drawing, stories, and play might help facilitate conversations with younger children. With school-age children and teens, we can still use simple, clear language, while gradually introducing more complex ideas.
  • Show warmth, openness, and honesty: Research shows that these qualities often lead to better outcomes in our conversations with children (Grey et al., 2022). We can try to be honest by avoiding the implication that we have total control over ourselves or our environments, or by gently acknowledging that uncomfortable aspects are part of reality, using language that is neither overwhelming nor overly pessimistic. For example, we can do this by incorporating warmth and openness, using a calm and gentle tone, validating their feelings by reflecting what they say (e.g., “I hear you think…” or “It sounds like you feel…”), and also highlighting that support and collaboration are possible, which helps them feel understood and supported.
  • Engage active listening: Our conversations are more effective when children are active participants in the dialogue rather than passive listeners. We can do this by paying full attention to our children and leaving enough silent moments for them to respond. We can listen without interrupting or correcting immediately, and respond without judgment. Showing you are listening through occasional nodding or small verbal cues, such as “I see,” can also help show your interest in their perspective.

After our conversation:

  • Avoid ending the conversation abruptly, and instead ease out of it: We can gently transition to another activity and signal this with clear language such as “We’ll stop here for now and talk again later.” You can also briefly summarize what you have talked about to consolidate their learning. With teens and older children, emphasizing space and autonomy can also be helpful, such as saying, “We can pause here and continue whenever you want.”
  • Provide reassurance and emphasize support: For children, caregivers are often the main source of safety and security. While open conversations are important, so is reassurance so that our children do not feel left alone in distress. In fact, reassuring them about safety, collaboration, and care can increase the likelihood that they will seek help in the future. For example, when you share information, especially information that is relatively uncomfortable, you can highlight that they are not alone and that there is support available from you, other trusted individuals, and our communities.
  • Encourage further communication on the topic: You can also reassure them that they can always ask questions and talk again by saying, “I’m here if you have more questions.”

Takeaways:

  • Open conversations about mental health with our children can reduce stigma, improve children’s coping skills, and increase the likelihood that they will seek help and support others when needed.
  • We can prepare our conversations by learning about the topic, checking in with our own emotional state, and planning.
  • Choosing a calm moment and a nondistracting environment, starting by understanding what your child already knows, and communicating with age-appropriate language combined with warmth, honesty, and active listening, leads to more effective and safe conversations.
  • Ending our conversation not abruptly but by easing out, summarizing the information, and providing reassurance that support is available and that they can always come back with questions can help children feel less distressed about the topic and more likely to seek help in the future.

References:

Davies, G., Deane, F. P., Williams, V., & Giles, C. (2021). Barriers, facilitators and interventions to support help‐seeking amongst young people living in families impacted by parental mental illness: A systematized review. Early Intervention in Psychiatry, 16(5), 469–480. https://doi.org/10.1111/eip.13194

Grey, E., Atkinson, L., Chater, A., Gahagan, A., Tran, A., & Gillison, F. (2022). A systematic review of the evidence on the effect of parental communication about health and health behaviours on children’s health and wellbeing. Preventive Medicine, 159, 107043. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2022.107043

Jung, H., Von Sternberg, K., & Davis, K. (2017). The impact of mental health literacy, stigma, and social support on attitudes toward mental health help-seeking. International Journal of Mental Health Promotion, 19(5), 252–267. https://doi.org/10.1080/14623730.2017.1345687

Rapa, E., Ilyas, A., De Cassan, S., & Dalton, L. J. (2025). Experiences of patients talking about mental illness with their children: a qualitative study. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1504130. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1504130

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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

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