Understanding Anger: From Reaction to Conscious Response

Roamers Therapy | August 2024

Life’s challenges can be overwhelming; everyone deserves a space to feel heard and supported. At Roamers Therapy, we provide trauma-informed, culturally sensitive, LGBTQIA+ affirming, and evidence-based environments to help you heal, grow, and navigate your mental well-being journey. As your psychotherapist, we are here to guide you every step of the way.

Find a Specialist!

Anger is one of the fundamental emotions felt by every human being universally. It is a natural reaction when a person experiences a negative experience, such as perceiving a threat against themselves, being unfairly treated, hide other underlying feelings that are hard to express. Eventhough the word anger evokes negative meanings to most people, anger is very beneficial when expressed healthily. Anger shows others what we care about, facilitates the expression of negative feelings towards others, helps us defend ourselves by taking action, and eliminates ongoing behavior we despise. However, our actions with anger might not be the most adaptable. The rush of adrenaline, or the warmth that rises and pulsates towards action, the drive towards action that often accompanies anger, can be cognitively disorienting. This disorientation might cause our expression of anger to be imbalanced and lead our actions to be destructive to others. In this therapy sketch, we will discuss the emotion of anger, its function, and how the expression of anger can be balanced and healthy.

What is Anger?

The APA describes anger as a negative emotional response to a perceived injustice or harm characterized by tension and hostility. Along with fear, joy, sadness, disgust, and surprise, anger is considered a primary emotion.

Primary Emotions: Primary emotions emerge immediately and instinctively. They are experienced universally, but what differs is the culture in which they manifest. According to psychologist Paul Ekman, there are six basic primary emotions: anger, fear, joy, sadness, disgust, and surprise. These are of the primary kind as they adapted for survival and social interactions by causing us to respond in certain ways, often spontaneously.
Secondary Emotions: While primary emotions emerge instinctively, secondary emotions require higher-level information processing on a cognitive level because we learn them from our previous experiences. Examples of secondary emotions might be guilt, shame, or pride. They are also connected to the primary emotions and often emerge from processing one of the primary emotions.

For example, When your colleague criticizes your project in front of your team, you might feel anger in the heat of the moment. Your anger responds to perceived unfairness because you might work hard for the project or perceived threat because you might think this would cost your role at the project. The anger you experience is a primary emotion because it appears spontaneously. However, when you think about the criticism more deeply and reflect on the situation, your anger (primary emotion) can turn to secondary emotion, such as embarrassment or guilt, depending on your thoughts about the situation. If your thoughts are more related to how other colleagues perceive you, your anger might shift to embarrassment. On the other hand, if your thoughts are related to self-doubt, your anger might shift to guilt after the cognitive processing.

When We Get Angry?

Anger can range from mild irritation to rage. There may be three main reasons for getting angry:

When our expectations are not met: We might get angry when our expectations are not met because we often invest in the outcome we anticipate. For example, if you work hard on a project and it turns out really successful, you might probably wait for an appreciation, recognition, or even promotion if it is work-related. However, if you do not get any recognition for this project, the gap between your expectations and reality can lead to anger. This anger stems from the injustice or unfairness you experienced.
When we consider things around us as a threat: Perceiving a threat around us can trigger anger as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves. This perceived threat might vary from a car that suddenly cuts you off the road to a new hire who seems more skilled than you. In short, this perceived threat might be related to your emotional or financial well-being as well as your physical well-being.
When we seek to hide our other feelings: We might get angry because of other emotions such as fear, sadness, or vulnerability. For example, if one of your best friends forgets your birthday, you might be upset about it. However, you might project your sadness like anger. Anger, in this example, serves as a mask because it might be easier to show anger rather than feel hurt.

What happens physiologically when we get angry?

Anger leads to some cognitive changes via changing brain functioning flow. The frontal cortex, the logical part, and the limbic system, the emotional part, work differently when we are angry. When we are angry, we act with the emotional part of the brain instead of using the logical part. Typically, we process information through the frontal cortex. However, if external stimuli trigger enough of an emotional charge, our brain tends to process this information through the limbic system, especially a structure called the amygdala rather than the frontal cortex. In the case of triggering, the amygdala is activated without much regard for the consequences, as it is not involved in judgment, thinking, and evaluation. This reactive phenomenon is known as Amygdala Hijacking. The amygdala is also involved in emotional memory and forming our emotional responses. It processes information about our emotions and then triggers specific reactions in our body. It sends signals to our brain to release certain hormones of adrenalin and norepinephrine. These hormones put the body in defense mode, increasing our attention, raising our heart rate, and boosting our energy levels.

Reacting with Anger

Although anger can be seen as a protective mechanism meant to safeguard our emotional and physical safety, taking action with anger can also result in behaviors that may leave us with feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment. We can act more impulsively because of the physiological and cognitive changes we experience during anger. Also, anger clouds our judgment, making us focus on immediate responses rather than long-term consequences. These actions might be:

Yelling: We might raise our voices when we get angry.
Blaming others: When we get angry, we might blame the person who makes us angry, thinking the problem is caused by them.
Withdrawing from communication: When we get angry, we might leave the conversation abruptly.
Giving impulsive decisions: When we get angry, we might make impulsive decisions such as quitting a job or ending a relationship.
Engaging in aggressive behaviors: When we get angry, we might engage in aggressive behaviors such as slamming doors, throwing surfaces, or hitting surfaces. In extreme cases, physical aggression toward others might be seen. Aggressive behaviors might also include verbal aggression, such as insults.

These behaviors often come from a palace where we try to manage or express our anger but it can turn out negatively. These behaviors are generally automatic reactions. We engage in these behaviors for several reasons, such as:

Relieving Overload: Our body reacts as quickly as possible to restore physiological imbalance and protect itself from the perceived threat. This causes us to act impulsively to relieve ourselves in the short term.
Need for Control: Anger usually arises from losing control of the environment or unmet expectations. We might take action to regain control or reset our expectations.
Masking Other Emotions: Emotions such as fear, sadness, and disappointment involve a layer of vulnerability and emotional risk within any relationship. Unlike anger, which incites physiological sensations and drives action, sadness and disappointment leave individuals feeling exposed. Without the protective barrier that anger provides, these emotions can lead to uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability, a key aspect in relationship building.
Learned Behavior: Our aggressive behaviors might stem from what we have learned based on our upbringing or cultural norms. Without noticing, we might mimic the reactions we make when we get angry.

Managing our Actions When We Get Angry

While we may not have control over the initial emergence of anger as an emotion, we can discern how we choose to respond. Much like fire, anger is not something to be feared but understood and managed intentionally. By consciously engaging with our anger, we reduce the risk of “burning” those around us—saying hurtful things we don’t mean or acting in ways we later regret—thereby protecting and preserving our meaningful relationships. Controlling angry reactions involves developing strategies such as employing the need for discernment, the wise brain, and distress tolerance methods.

Discernment

The need for discernment refers to distinguishing what is beneficial and harmful or what is right or wrong. In managing anger, the ability to discern helps you create a thoughtful response from a hasty reaction. When you get angry, you can incorporate discernment with:

Pause: To manage your anger healthily, you must first be balanced physiologically. In order to do that, you need to pause. This pause might take 20 minutes to 48 hours, depending on the severity of the situation.
Evaluate Situation: Reflecting on whether your reaction aligns with the situation is also beneficial for creating a more conscious response. For example, if you hear a negative comment about yourself from a friend, discernment helps you evaluate whether it meant harm or was a misunderstanding.
Understanding the trigger: Developing awareness around what triggers our anger allows us to recognize when our anger-driven actions are misaligned with which core values. In the long term, we can gain valuable insights into our inner emotional landscape by exploring what our anger may be defending or concealing within us. This deeper understanding helps manage anger more effectively and promotes emotional growth and healthier, more authentic connections with others.
Choose a more Adaptable Response: Instead of reacting by yelling or blaming, you can address the issue without harming the other party. Actions such as expressing feelings, seeking compromise, or forgiving the action that makes you angry help you move toward a resolution.
Considering Consequences: By acting with discernment in the moment of anger, you might think about what might happen if you act on anger. For example, you can consider questions such as, will withdrawing from communication damage my relationship, or will resigning from my job make my situation better? By considering consequences, you can choose actions that might provide a more positive outcome for yourself.

Wise Brain

Wise brain is a term coined in Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. According to dialectic behavioral therapy, a wise mind balances the logical and emotional parts of the brain. It hosts rationable and emotional minds together so that we can make more thoughtful decisions. A reasonable mind focuses on facts and helps us to perform executive functions such as problem-solving and planning. On the other hand, the emotional mind is driven by emotions and creates intense reactions. In this context, a wise mind helps us manage our emotions, including anger, by balancing the reasonable and emotional mind. When you get angry, your emotional mind tends to give intense reactions. Using a wise mind to incorporate emotional awareness of the emotional mind and problem-solving of the reasonable mind helps you create more healthy responses to the situation. To do that, you might pause and reflect on the situation to have a more balanced perspective. A balanced perspective is about recognizing the anger you experience while considering the facts and context. You can give yourself time to feel emotions, facts, and possible consequences. By integrating reasonable and emotional minds, you can evaluate the situation from multiple perspectives. For example, in our case, where you get angry with your colleague because of a criticism of your project, you can use the following steps to incorporate a wise mind.

Observe: You might notice that your anger builds up, such as feeling your heart racing.
Participate: You might try to stay engaged in the conversation without withdrawing or lashing out.
Take a nonjudgmental Stance: You might acknowledge your anger without thinking it’s terrible or inappropriate, and you can create a nonjudgmental space for yourself.
Be Effective: You might react to what response aligns with your goals and values without losing control of your anger.

Distress Tolerance

Another Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) strategy that helps people control strong emotions like anger without making things worse is Distress Tolerance. It includes coping mechanisms that support you through and beyond emotional meltdowns, especially in situations where you are unable to instantly alter the circumstance that is upsetting you. One of the distress tolerance techniques is called TIPP Skills. You can use the TIPP skill for the previous example, such as:

Temperature: You step outside and splash cold water on your face before you respond. The sudden temperature change decreases your body’s natural reaction of anger, allowing you to take a moment to cool down.
Intense Exercise: To release the steam from your anger, walk around the office or jump into a quiet area. As a result, you will feel more composed when you return to the situation.
Paced Breathing: To remain composed as you reenter the meeting, practice taking deep, deliberate breaths. By paying attention to your breathing, you can stay calm and less enraged.
Paired Muscle Relaxation: Throughout the conversation, you subtly tense and then relax various muscle groups, such as your hands or shoulders.

There are many more other techniques for employing distress tolerance, such as distracting your mind from the situation by engaging in different activities, calming yourself by using your five senses, and accepting the situation as it is rather than fighting against it. Further research to find a distress tolerance skill that works for you can contribute significantly to gaining insight into the issue.

Takeaways

When our expectations are unmet, or we perceive a threat or hide other feelings that might imply our vulnerabilities, we tend to get angry universally. Although anger is universal, our responses to the situation or person that might make us angry vary. These responses might range from impulsive reactions such as yelling, blaming others, and withdrawing from communications to acting with discernment. When we employ discernment or wise brain or distress tolerance techniques, we are able to pause and evaluate the situation calmly, understand the trigger, and give a more adaptable response to the situation. We are also able to consider the consequences, which means we can think more in the long term rather than the short to relieve our anger. Practicing discernment in the moment of the heat might not be easy. If you notice that you are engaging in more impulsive reactions while you experience anger, consulting with a mental health professional might be beneficial for you to take control of your anger.

While our physical offices are located in South Loop and Lakeview neighborhoods in Chicago, Illinois for in-person sessions, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more.

Book Now!

At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy.

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a session with our mental health professionals to begin your healing journey. To get started with therapy, visit our booking page.

First, decide if you’ll be paying out-of-pocket or using insurance. If you’re a self-pay client, you can book directly through the “Book Now” page or fill out the “Self-Pay/Out-of-network Inquiry Form.” If you’re using insurance, fill out the “Insurance Verification Form” to receive details about your costs and availability. Please let us know your preferred therapist. If your preferred therapist isn’t available, you can join the waitlist by emailing us. Once your appointment is confirmed, you’ll receive intake documents to complete before your first session.

This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.