Common Issues with Modern Dating

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As the world evolves, so do people and the ways we connect with one another. The ways people meet and date have changed drastically. In today’s digital age, social media and mobile applications have revolutionized the ways we connect and, as a result, traditional dating. Modern dating is also shaped by online dating apps, which are categorized as one of the sub-fields of social media. These apps have become more and more popular with the development of technology, especially with the rise of smartphones. In general terms, online dating apps are technological dating services that enable users to meet and communicate with potential partners around them using their location information. Users’ profiles on apps typically consist of pages where they introduce themselves through textual descriptions and various photos, and the number of users of these apps is increasing day by day. According to recent reports, the number of people using online dating apps worldwide has exceeded 323 million. There are many pros that make these apps popular and many cons that drive users away.

Pros:

Proximity: The app lists all potential candidates who are physically close to the user. This allows the user to evaluate potential partners who are nearby and open to interaction.
Mobility: Even if a potential partner does not meet the proximity criteria, online dating applications provide mobility between locations. When users change their location, they can continue to talk and meet existing or new partners even if they are not close physically.
Ease of access to information: It allows for the gathering of information about the potential partner before interacting. Before matching, the person reads a short pre-text in which the potential partner introduces himself/herself and examines his/her physical characteristics through visuals such as photos and/or videos.
Reminders: Apps provide notifications and alerts to the user. The person speeds up the interaction process with potential partners and communicates directly with the app’s audio, vibration, and visual notifications.

Most fundamentally, apps save time and energy. In other words, through the app installed on the phone, a person can meet people, communicate with potential partners in different cities or even in different countries, and maintain communication. Even though these pros exist, it has been reported that users stop using dating apps quickly. In 2024, approximately 33% of users reported using these apps less often.

Cons:

Negative experiences: Many people stop using dating apps due to negative experiences such as ghosting, soft ghosting, breadcrumb, and love bombing. We will explain these concepts below in detail.
Privacy concerns: As we mentioned as pros, online dating apps provide tons of information about potential partners. It can include, their age, occupation, areas of interest, and expectations about future partners. It might also include several photos and videos which evoke privacy concerns. Users can worry that the information they have added to their profile might be misused or even shared without their consent. Also, another concern might be fake profiles and scammers which also impact the app’s credibility and reliability for privacy.
Life transitions: There might be other factors that affect dropout rates for online dating apps. Users might get into a new romantic relationship or decide not to be in a romantic relationship for a while. Or they can change their city or country.

In this therapy sketch, we will explain the negative experiences that users come across generally. These include:

Ghosting and “soft ghosting”
Bread-crumbing and love bombing
Situationships

Ghosting and Soft-Ghosting

Ghosting refers to when one person suddenly stops all communication with another person. For example, two people might go on a first date. While one person enjoys the date, the second person doesn’t enjoy it as much and begins to dodge, ignore, or block the person’s attempts to initiate another date. Soft ghosting on the other hand is a less committed form of ghosting. For example, it can refer to someone who’s ghosted another person but still actively views and/or interacts with the individual’s social media posts. Or, it can refer to someone who puts minimal effort into communicating with someone they are not interested in (e.g., reacting to messages or short or late replies).

Breadcrumbing & Love Bombing

Breadcrumbing refers to someone who consistently provides enough attention or affection to keep another person interested in them. The person, however, is careful not to provide too much attention so as to not invest in or commit to the relationship. Love bombing, on the other hand, occurs when one person over-showers another person with love and adoration early on and quickly in a relationship

Both breadcrumbing and lovebombing are forms of manipulation, and both can be very confusing and devastating to people.

Situationships

Situationships are romantic connections one person believes that a commitment exists, and another person does not. In other words, situationships are “more than nothing” but “less than something.” Situationships can be caused by breadcrumbing or love bombing. However, they can also be caused by poor communication, unequal expectations, fear of vulnerability, or mismatched attachment styles. Situationships can be very breaking and can often leave people confused for mourning a relationship that never truly existed.

How Do These Issues Affect Us?

Dating issues like these can impact our mental health in various ways and can cause things like:

Anxiety or depression (especially if we have attachment trauma)
Mistrust in others
Unnecessary guilt, embarrassment, or shame
Low self-esteem
Confusion or frustation
Hopelessness
Obsessiveness or hyper-vigilance

How to Manage These Issues?

Managing dating issues can be tough, particularly because many of these issues can occur in the early stages of dating where we might not have enough information about someone and may give them the benefit of the doubt. However, there are things you can do:

Remain cognizant of inconsistent effort, treatment, or interest
Avoid overanalyzing their behaviors (e.g., when they like your posts)
Avoid pursuing closure
Allow yourself to grieve
Recognize their behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

How to Date Right

All dating and relationships will come with their own unique challenges. However, these challenges do not have to be toxic or manipulative. Here are some questions to reflect on if you want to start dating intentionally:

What do I want? What are my relationship goals?
What am I hoping to get out of this date?
What are my red flags? What are my green flags?
What are my needs in a relationship? What are my wants?
What are my boundaries or limits?
What are my relationship triggers?
How can I enjoy a date without setting high expectations for myself or the other person(s)?

Takeaways

Dating app use can have positive and negative effects on people’s lives. If you are using a dating app but find it challenging, understanding how this behavior persists is the first and most crucial step. Knowing the situations and triggers that lead to negative experiences while you are using an online dating app is essential to make sense of it. You can ask the questions above to identify these triggers. In this way, you can elaborate on the short-term impact and the long-term problems it causes. However, if you need support with this, it may be helpful to contact a mental health professional

References

Ellison, N. B., Hancock, J. T., & Toma, C. L. (2011). Profile as promise: A framework for conceptualizing veracity in online dating self-presentations. New Media & Society, 14(1), 45-62.
Business of Apps (2022). Dating app revenue and Usage Statistics. https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/
LeFebvre, L. E. (2017). Swiping me off my feet. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(9), 1205-1229.
Statista. (2025, January 21). U.S. change in dating apps usage frequency 2024. https://www.statista.com/statistics /1548641/ us-dating-apps- usage-frequency-change/

While our physical offices are located in South Loop and Lakeview neighborhoods in Chicago, Illinois for in-person sessions, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more.

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At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy.

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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.