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Healing in the Real World: How to Show Up While Falling Apart

We have all (or at least many of us have) been there. We’ve woken up super early to make a therapy appointment before work, rushed out of work to try and make it in time for a therapy appointment, or perhaps taken a telehealth therapy session in the office or the car during our lunch hour or after work. We go through all of the above to squeeze healing into our work lives, only for healing to become its own stressor while we try to remain completely functional each day. However, that does not mean that this rush won’t affect us in the long term. We might forget that grabbing lunch during the day or overeating can lead to feeling sleepy all the time, having a hard time falling asleep at night, worrying excessively about tasks, experiencing difficulty remembering things, and constantly thinking about a task. This can also be considered a survival mode, which is a dysregulated state of the nervous system. Survival mode refers to our nervous system’s response to perceived threats. While these threats can range from sending an email to a supervisor to fighting in a war, our sympathetic system activates and either fights the perceived threat, flees from it, or freezes during it (Bracha, 2004). Often, the parasympathetic system intervenes after perceiving the threat and helps our body to rest or digest (Porges, 2009). However, what happens when we need to handle back-to-back tasks, without enough time to rest and process them? Even though the task itself is not a source of stress, having them back-to-back might make them a stressor in daily life. That might lead us to rely on our sympathetic system for an extended period, which can cause our nervous system to become dysregulated (Porges, 2009). While the effects of continually catching up with everything are unique to each individual, being in a state of constant survival mode for a long period can lead to a set of symptoms that can ultimately disrupt daily routines, such as work-life balance (Grandey et al.,2013). Because a continuous state of alertness can affect not only our mood but also our productivity at work, our decision-making skills, and our relationships at work. In this mini sketch, we will review how being in survival mode constantly affects our work life and how we can manage it. 

Holding It Together at Work

In 2025, there are many things that negatively affect us. These stressors can include anything from the economy to the sociopolitical climate to that work email you keep forgetting to send. It’s difficult to try and be your best self while managing all these other stressors on the side or trying to “hold it in” while you’re at work (Grandey et al, 2003). Though it sounds counterintuitive, “holding it in” or suppressing emotions at work can impact you negatively by causing things like: 

  • Emotional exhaustion
  • Burnout 
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Impaired functioning
  • Low productivity 

However, even though this situation is challenging, it is possible to move toward healing in small steps. Before discussing these steps, let’s explore what survival mode is and what healing looks like during such times.

What Healing Can Look Like During Survival Mode

Survival mode involves a range of actions designed to protect us from a threat or danger. It is a very protective and essential system that we have in moments of danger. On the other hand, being in this state constantly may affect one’s quality of life poorly. Because our body prepares itself for this mode by activating the autonomic nervous system, and the fight-or-flight or freeze response literally begins with the activation (Bracha, 2004). The autonomic nervous system comprises two components: the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems, each of which initiates distinct bodily responses. Survival mood generally associated with the sympathetic system which,  quickens the heartbeat to deliver more oxygen to muscles, raises blood pressure, dilates pupils for better vision, heightens sensory sensitivity and hearing, improves memory, contracts muscles for fight or flight, stops digestion, pauses systems like growth, reproduction, and immunity, increases pain tolerance, and boosts energy (Porges, 2009). When being in a survival mode becomes routine more than just a protective system, a normal day involves only completing the tasks that you need to do to survive (Thayer et al., 2012). Survival mode prompts you to prioritize whatever seems essential for immediate protection, often at the cost of things that feel unnecessary for survival, like activities that bring joy, support healing, or encourage growth. Ironically, these very things may also be perceived as threats simply because they require time, energy, or emotional investment (Billones et al., 2020).

When even completing an enjoyable task or healing becomes a stressor, it can lead to negative effects on your mental and physical health. If you are already feeling like you’re in survival mode, we can shift the way we think about what counts as healing so that it maintains its positive effect on you. Here are a few things to try:

  • Increased self-compassion (avoid negative talk)
  • Prioritize self-care (e.g., nutrition, rest, and hygiene)
  • Set boundaries or limits with yourself at work
  • Recognize small victories (You sent *that* email. Yay!)

Here are the more detailed exercises you can use to regulate your nervous system during work:

  1. Micro-Healing Tools for Workdays 

Micro-healing or micro-self-care are small things you can do each day that do not take a lot of effort, can be done consistently, and have a large payoff:

  • Grounding techniques (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1, Rainbow Room)
  • Breathing exercises
  • Soothing playlists, audiobooks, or podcasts 
  • Fidget toys and candles
  • Midday walks, getting up, walking around
  • Texting a designated safe person
  1. Setting Emotional Boundaries in the Workplace 

Learning to set boundaries at work is one of the most effective ways to manage stress without sacrificing your productivity. Here are some straightforward boundaries you can try to set right now:

  • “I am at capacity right now. Can we follow up next week?”
  • “I need at least 5 minutes in between meetings. Can we push our meeting back by a few minutes?” 
  • “I am not able to take that on right now, but I hope it goes smoothly.” 
  • “I appreciate your patience while I get back to you.” 
  1. The “Bare Minimum Plus One” Method

The “bare minimum plus one” Method refers to a method of self-care where you do the bare minimum needed to get you through the day, and then you do something small for yourself. 

  • Forget about going above and beyond. What is the absolute minimum you need to do to get you through this day?  
  • You made it through the day! What can you do for yourself now?
  • Ensure you drink enough water
  • Get 8 hours of sleep 
  • Have a nice dinner?
  1. Let Go of Guilt 

Productivity guilt occurs when we feel guilty for not doing more or performing better. When it comes to self-growth, productivity guilt can make it feel like we’re not making enough progress fast enough, and because of this, we don’t deserve breaks or pauses. 

  1. First of all, taking a break is healing. 
  2. Second of all, healing is not linear, and it’s not a race. Everyone grows at their own pace. 
  3. Lastly, your best can look different every day, and that is okay! 

Take-aways

  • Survival mode refers to our nervous system’s response to perceived threats.
  • While these threats can range, our sympathetic system activates and either fights the perceived threat, flees from it, or freezes during it. 
  • Often, the parasympathetic system intervenes after perceiving the threat and helps our body to rest or digest.
  • While the effects of always catching up vary, prolonged survival mode can cause symptoms that disrupt routines like work-life balance.
  • Being in survival mode or suppressing emotions at work can impact you negatively by causing things like emotional exhaustion, burnout, anxiety and depression, impaired functioning, and low productivity. 
  • Using methods to increase self-compassion (avoid negative talk), prioritize self-care (e.g., nutrition, rest, and hygiene), set boundaries or limits with yourself at work, and recognize small victories might be a great start to regulate your nervous system

References:

  • Bracha HS. Freeze, flight, fight, fright, faint: adaptationist perspectives on the acute stress response spectrum. CNS Spectr. 2004 Sep;9(9):679-85. doi: 10.1017/s1092852900001954. PMID: 15337864.
  • Grandey, A. A., Diefendorff, J. M., & Rupp, D. E. (2013). Bringing emotional labor into focus: A review and integration of three research lenses. In Emotional Labor in the 21st Century: Diverse Perspectives on Emotion Regulation at Work (pp. 3-27). Taylor and Francis. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203100851
  • Billones RR, Kumar S, Saligan LN. Disentangling fatigue from anhedonia: a scoping review. Transl Psychiatry. 2020 Aug 7;10(1):273. doi: 10.1038/s41398-020-00960-w. PMID: 32769967; PMCID: PMC7414881.
  • Porges, S. W. (2009). The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine, 76(Suppl 2), S86–S90. https://doi.org/10.3949/ccjm.76.s2.17
  • Marson, G. (2022). The negative impact of prolonged survival mode: What can you do to thrive? Dr. Gia Marson. 
  • Mcleod, S. (2023). Fight, flight, freeze, fawn response. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/fight-flight-freeze-fawn.htm
  • Walton, M. (2021). Soft-Skills Training Interventions: Avoiding a “Fight, Flight or Freeze” Response!. IUP Journal of Soft Skills, 15(4), 7-16.
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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

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