How Does Our Mental Health Affect Our Partners?
If you have ever experienced problems with your mental health, you may have an understanding of the ways mental health affects you personally. Oftentimes, people who struggle with mental health report problems with
- Their mood
- Their energy
- Their motivation
- Their coping
- And so much more!
The Relational Impacts of Mental Health
Though the symptoms of mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, may seem only to impact us individually, they unfortunately also impact the safety of our relationships. This is especially true for relationships we spend most of our time with, like partners. This does not mean that the person struggling is to blame, but when you have depression and anxiety, it’s only normal for it to spill over into your relationships.
The Relational Impacts of Mental Health
When one (or more) person in a relationship experiences mental health problems, the relationship as a unit becomes impacted. This can include:
- More fights, disagreements, or arguments
- Less intimacy
- Secondary trauma
- Low relationship satisfaction
- Breakups
Fighting More
If someone in a relationship is experiencing mental health problems, this can lead to anxiety about the relationship, moodiness and irritability, paranoia, hypervigilance, and so much more. This can lead to partners arguing more due to one partner’s irritability, anger, or even anxiety. Many times, fights occur because one partner feels their emotions so viscerally and another partner is unable to validate the other or manage their own reactions.
Less Intimacy
When partners are experiencing mental health issues, they may often report less intimacy in their relationship. This may be due to the lack of interest in doing things they know will bring them joy and the decreased motivation to spend quality time with their partner. For some people, mental health problems can decrease their libido as well. This can result in bids being rejected or missed and may leave the other partner feeling neglected or unloved.
Secondary Trauma
Secondary trauma refers to the process of triggering or re-traumatizing someone. When a partner experiences mental health issues, they may inadvertently trigger or retraumatize their partner. This can include things like:
- Getting angry or irritable and yelling,
- Self-isolating, shutting down, and neglecting the partner
- Reminding the partner of a past relationship or family member
- Misusing substances for coping
- Rejecting a partner’s attempts to support.
Low Relationship Satisfaction
People who are struggling with mental health problems or have partners who struggle with mental health issues often report low relationship satisfaction. This is due to increased fighting, secondary trauma, and a decrease in intimacy. Poor mental health (of one or both partners) is often a common factor in partners who seek couples therapy due to low relationship satisfaction. This is why many couples therapists will also recommend individual therapy for partners.
Breaking Up
Breaking up is an unfortunate but common result for relationships in which mental health problems are present. This is often due to the presence of fighting and low relationship satisfaction, along with the decreased desire or motivation to do the necessary work to heal individually and as a unit.
Takeaways
When mental health problems are present in a relationship (whether one or all persons experience the problems), the relationship as a unit becomes affected. Mental health problems can lead to more fighting, less intimacy, and even breakups. It is important to understand the signs of mental problems so partners can support one another and intervene appropriately.