Book Now!

How to Step Back From Your Thoughts

Have you ever noticed how we treat our thoughts as the end-all, be-all? We often experience our thoughts as the absolute truth about ourselves and the world, even the mean and painful ones. This is one of the main tendencies our brains have, and it’s kind of a result of certain mental capacities we possess, including the way our language capacity works.

This happens because the thing we are thinking about and the person thinking about it (ourselves) are often experienced as one and the same. We experience our thoughts as though they are us and we are them. This makes the thoughts in our heads feel incredibly real and impactful, even though some of these thoughts are imagined, hypothetical, or don’t represent or connect to actual events or places. 

While this is an important aspect of our minds that helps us experience ourselves as a whole person, with a life story, goals, and wishes, at times it can also strengthen the grip that negative thoughts can have on us, making us feel as though life is limited to what we are able to think about at that particular moment.

This tendency for the thought and the person thinking the thought to become one is often called “cognitive fusion.” Cognitive fusion is not a bad thing on its own; rather, it reflects some of the natural ways our minds work and the capacities we have for thinking and using language.

However, when we become fused with our thoughts, they can become incredibly immersive, and it can be difficult to stay connected with actual events and real experiences. This can make our thoughts feel like absolute truths, even when they are not. Because our thoughts influence and guide how we behave and feel, becoming fused with limiting thoughts can create unhelpful cycles where our thoughts and behaviors continue to reinforce each other.

For example, someone who believes they are not loved or accepted by others may be less likely to spend time with people or socialize. This can then further limit opportunities for friendship and connection, deepening the original thought even if that thought was never actually true to begin with.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a method called cognitive defusion is often used to work with this tendency toward fusion that our minds naturally have. As the word itself suggests (de-fusion), it aims to loosen or reduce the unhelpful effects that fusion can have on our thinking and behavior. Cognitive defusion involves creating an intentional distance from our thoughts and, in doing so, loosening the grip that our thoughts can have on us. This is usually done through different techniques where we shift our focus away from the content of our thoughts and toward the process of thinking itself. Cognitive defusion does not try to change your thoughts or replace them with “better” ones. Instead, it helps you create distance from your thoughts so they have less control over you, giving you more freedom to choose how you respond.

Cognitive defusion techniques you can try now

Noticing language

When you have a thought that feels limiting and painful, you can try to create a little distance from it by switching to a “noticing language”. For example, if you have a thought that goes “I’m not good enough.” you can try to say it with a noticing language by saying “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough”. This reframing helps us take step back and recognize that we are having a thought in that moment rather than actually being defined by it.

Finding and naming stories in your mind

Sometimes our thoughts overlap around certain themes and create familiar stories that our minds return to. Let’s say you are struggling with being around others and going out. You might have thoughts that others will judge you or that, if you go out, you will feel uncomfortable. You can refer to these thoughts as “the I can’t be social story.” Then, the next time you notice these thoughts showing up, remind yourself that your mind is telling you the “I can’t be social story.” This makes it easier to recognize unhelpful patterns in your thinking and notice that some thoughts are simply stories your mind creates, rather than facts or complete reflections of reality.

Singing

Pick a thought that usually feels overwhelming for you. Maybe it’s the thought that nobody likes you. Now try singing it out loud. Pick a genre, maybe it’s pop, maybe it’s alt-rock. Singing a thought this way can be a surprisingly effective way to create a little bit of space between us and our thoughts. It can help us notice that our thoughts are just words or sounds, rather than absolute truths we must believe, so they feel less controlling.

Silly or cartoonish voice

Not much into singing? That’s perfectly fine. You can also try saying the thought out loud using a silly voice or imagining that a cartoonish character is saying it. Just like singing, putting on a silly voice can loosen the grip that our thoughts can have on us and help us look at the content and impact of our thoughts with less overwhelm and spiraling.

The bus metaphor

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), often uses powerful metaphors to help interrupt the limiting effects of taking language too literally, so that we can experience more flexibility in exploring and understanding our thoughts. One of the most well-known metaphors is the bus metaphor, and it goes like this:

Let’s say you are a bus driver, driving a bus full of passengers. As you are driving, these passengers start saying different things to you. One says that you should stop here, another criticizes the way you are driving, and another tells you that you are going the wrong way.

Now, would you stop the bus and try to convince each passenger? Would you get so affected by their criticism that you would decide to stop driving the bus altogether? Or could you allow the passengers to say what they say while continuing to drive the bus toward your destination as safely and as focused as possible?

Now think about your mind as the bus and your thoughts as the passengers, each showing up and saying something to you, some even saying really mean or painful things. The question is: Are you going to let these passengers take control of the bus, or can you choose to continue driving in the direction that matters to you? Reminding us of this metaphor can help us remember that we can move toward what actually matters to us while also allowing some thoughts to come and go.

Takeaways:

  • ​​Cognitive fusion is our tendency to become so connected to our thoughts that we feel as though they are who we are, making them seem completely true even when they may not be.
  • Our thoughts can be imagined, hypothetical, or disconnected from reality, but we can still become so fused with them and they can strongly influence how we feel and behave.
  • Becoming fused with limiting thoughts can create unhelpful cycles where thoughts and behaviors reinforce each other.
  • Cognitive defusion used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps create distance from thoughts by focusing on the process of thinking rather than the content of thoughts.
  • Cognitive defusion techniques include noticing language, naming stories in your mind, singing thoughts, using silly voices, and the bus metaphor to reduce the control thoughts have over you and more. 
  • Cognitive defusion does not try to change your thoughts or replace them with “better” ones. Instead, it helps you create distance from your thoughts so they have less control over you, giving you more freedom to choose how you respond.

References & further reading

Book Now
Find a Specialist

At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy. 

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a session with our mental health professionals to begin your healing journey. To get started with therapy, visit our booking page.

First, decide if you’ll be paying out-of-pocket or using insurance. If you’re a self-pay client, you can book directly through the “Book Now” page or fill out the “Self-Pay/Out-of-network Inquiry Form.” If you’re using insurance, fill out the “Insurance Verification Form” to receive details about your costs and availability. Please let us know your preferred therapist. If your preferred therapist isn’t available, you can join the waitlist by emailing us. Once your appointment is confirmed, you’ll receive intake documents to complete before your first session.

This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago and Lakeview on Chicago’s North Side, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.