Intimate Partner Violence: How to Safely Confront It?

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Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) describes a situation where one individual in a close relationship employs various forms of abuse—such as physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, or financial—to dominate or control their partner. IPV is a serious societal issue that has negative effects on various aspects of both individual and public health. Therefore, recognizing, identifying, and taking preventative measures against IPV is essential for everyone. In this article we will look at all aspects of intimate partner violence.

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Over the years, the term domestic violence has been expanded to the more accurate term intimate partner violence, recognizing that abuse can occur regardless of marital status, gender or sexual orientation (George, 2024). Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) refers to a situation in which one partner in a close relationship exerts physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic abuse over the other. IPV manifests in many different forms and is more common than most people realize. The lack of awareness regarding IPV is often due to the fact that when people think of violence in a relationship, they tend to envision only physical abuse, which is the most obvious form of violence. Unfortunately, while the common thought may be accurate, it fails to capture the depth and scope of what many individuals experience (George, 2024). There is a general lack of understanding about how other forms of abuse, such as sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic abuse, can also occur within a relationship. Being aware of the various ways in which intimate partner violence can manifest is the first necessary step to recognizing and taking action against it.

Dr. John Gottman and Neil Jacobson, when addressing intimate partner violence, identified two of the most dangerous types of perpetrators by categorizing them as ‘’Pit Bulls’’ and ‘’Cobras’’. Individuals in the ‘’Pit Bulls’’ category share characteristics similar to those of an aggressive dog that latches on and does not let go. This group is emotionally dependent on their partners, characterized by a fear of abandonment, control, and jealousy. On the other hand, individuals in the ‘’Cobras’’ category are those who directly attack their partners without warning. People in this group exhibit antisocial traits, a pathological need for power and control, and may engage in sadistic behaviors (George, 2024).

Types of Intimate Partner Violence

Physical Abuse:

Inflicting physical harm or injury through actions such as punching, kicking, or pushing.

Sexual Abuse:

Coercing a partner into non-consensual sexual intercourse or engaging in sexual assault

Emotional/Psychological Abuse:

Engaging in verbal assaults (insults, belittling, demeaning).
Threatening, intimidating, or using emotional manipulation.
Undermining the partner’s self-esteem and attempting to isolate them.

Economic Abuse:

Restricting the partner’s financial independence, attempting to control their income, or limiting their financial resources.
Preventing the partner from finding employment or making them financially dependent.
Refusing to work and contribute financially to the household.

Social Isolation:

Restricting the partner’s interactions with family and friends, trying to isolate them socially.

Constant Monitoring/Control:

Continuously checking the partner’s phone, monitoring their social media accounts, or frequently questioning them about their whereabouts.

Reflecting on the following questions can help to better identify whether you are experiencing IPV in your relationship:

Does your partner make it difficult for you to socialize with friends or visit family members? (Isolation)
Does your partner frequently attempt to shame or guilt you when you express your thoughts and feelings during conflicts or conversations? (Minimizing, Denying, or Blaming)
Is your partner excessively critical of your appearance, personality, interests, or career? (Emotional Abuse)
Does your partner use their role as the “breadwinner” to belittle or control your actions? Do they excessively monitor your spending or provide you with an allowance? (Economic Abuse)
Has your partner ever threatened to harm themselves or you in order to manipulate you into doing something they want? (Coercion and Threats)

Situational VS Categorical Intimate Partner Violence

Situational violence is often seen in couples who lack conflict resolution skills. Both partners are prone to mild violence, using slaps or pushing and shoving to emphasize their points. Typically, both partners feel regret, recognize the impact of their actions, internalize the blame and desire to change. Eighty percent of domestic violence cases in the United States are situational (Gottman & Gottman, 2024; Brittle, 2024).

In categorical intimate partner violence, one spouse is the perpetrator, and the other is the victim. The perpetrator does not take responsibility for the violence and instead blames the victim for causing it. The victim feels helpless to stop the violence, which often leads to severe injuries or even death. In such cases, it is crucial to seek assistance from a treatment center, a helpline, a shelter, a professional, or the police (Gottman & Gottman, 2024; Brittle, 2024).

Whether situational or categorical, remember that IPV is based on a dynamic of power and control; mental, emotional, and physical abuse.

Causes of Intimate Partner Violence

Power and Control: IPV often stems from one partner’s desire to gain power and control over the other. Violence in such cases is shaped and perpetuated by this power dynamic, where the abuser seeks to assert dominance over their partner.Societal and Cultural Factors: Violence can sometimes be influenced by societal norms or cultural elements. In societies where men are seen as entitled to exert power over women—particularly in patriarchal societies—the dynamics fostered within these cultures can fuel IPV. Additionally, in communities where legal consequences are minimal or where the state does not protect the victim, perpetrators are emboldened, increasing the risk of IPV.

Family History: Individuals raised in environments where violence is prevalent may tend to normalize violent behaviors. This tendency can be reflected in their adult relationships, often leading to the perpetuation of IPV in their own lives.

Alcohol and Substance Abuse: Addictions can lead individuals to exhibit uncontrollable behaviors, often triggering IPV. The substance-induced loss of control increases the likelihood of aggressive actions within the relationship.

Combating Intimate Partner Violence

Education and Awareness Raising: Educational programs and public awareness initiatives play a crucial role in reducing intimate partner violence (IPV). It is essential to educate individuals about healthy relationship boundaries, effective conflict resolution methods, and communication skills. Additionally, providing a clear understanding of the various forms of violence is critical for identifying and preventing violence.

Language Correction: The language used in everyday conversations can be closely linked to violence, as language serves as a powerful tool in shaping societal norms and individual perceptions. Often, everyday discourse, even if unintentional, normalizes, minimizes, or justifies violence. Phrases such as “What did you do that caused him/her to harm you?” or “You were too harsh on him/her!” can lead the victim to internalize blame and validate the abusive relationship. This type of language conceals the violence and obscures the perpetrator’s accountability. Furthermore, language can create barriers for victims to openly discuss their trauma. Terms that downplay the severity of the situation, such as “I was just jealous” or “I was very angry,” can trivialize the emotional and physical harm inflicted. The normalization and justification of violence in society through language can contribute to its widespread acceptance. Therefore, challenging and addressing language that glorifies or excuses violence is vital in combating its spread.

Legal Protection: Legal avenues are available for victims of violence, including seeking legal protection, filing lawsuits against perpetrators, or obtaining restraining orders. It is essential that individuals are informed of their legal rights and that relevant policies are enacted to support the victim. In cases of immediate danger, the first step should always be to contact emergency services (911).

Building a Support Network: A robust support network, encompassing family, friends, or professional counseling services, is invaluable in helping victims of violence navigate a path toward recovery. Given that violence can inflict profound physical and emotional trauma, therapy is a critical resource for victims to heal and regain strength. Mental health professionals can assist clients who have experienced violence in coping with their trauma, providing a safe space for emotional healing and helping them avoid future harmful relationships.

How Can I Protect Myself and What Can My Therapist Do?

If you have reviewed the information above and find that it resonates with your situation, it is crucial to reflect on how you can protect yourself, as intimate partner violence (IPV) can have a significant emotional, mental, and physical impact on anyone involved.

If you are currently in therapy, consider discussing what you have learned about IPV and how it might be manifesting in your relationship. Your therapist can assist you in developing a safety plan. A safety plan may include the following considerations:

Who can I contact if I need assistance?
Where can I go if I need to leave my home?
What are some triggers for conflict that may lead to IPV?
What are the signs that I am in danger, and how should I respond in those situations?
What emergency and community resources are available to me?

While some of these questions may be something you can answer on your own, your therapist can offer insights to help you answer them more comprehensively. Even if they don’t have all the answers, they may be able to provide referrals to shelters, support groups, or crisis counseling that can offer further assistance. Additionally, therapy provides a safe space to process the IPV in your relationship and to explore potential paths forward.

What Resources Are Available If I Need Immediate Help?

If you are in immediate danger, the first step should be to call 911. However, if you are not in immediate danger but require assistance, consider reaching out to the following resource for support related to IPV:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224

Experiencing IPV in a relationship is traumatic and harmful to your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Therefore, if IPV is present in your relationship, it is essential to take steps to prevent further harm to yourself or your partner by engaging with the resources mentioned above.

Takeaways:

Combating IPV requires collective effort. Everyone has a responsibility to challenge harmful behaviors and promote a culture of respect, safety, and equality.

Intimate partner violence (IPV) can have devastating emotional, mental, and physical effects on individuals, making it essential to recognize and address it as early as possible.

Education, awareness, and open conversations about healthy relationships can help prevent IPV and challenge harmful societal norms that justify violence.

Legal protections, support networks, and therapy are critical resources for those affected by IPV, providing essential safety, healing, and empowerment.

References

George, M. (2024, March 4). Intimate Partner Violence and the #MeToo Movement. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/intimate-partner-violence-and-the-metoo-movement/
Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. (2024, March 4). A Review of the Research on Domestic Violence. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/a-review-of-the-research-on-domestic-violence/
Brittle, Z. (2024, March 4). V is for Violence. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/v-is-for-violence/

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