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Thoughts That Feel Alien

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Did you know that we have between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts every day? Interestingly, about 95% of these thoughts are the same as the day before, and around 80% are negative. Many of the negative thoughts have critical, repetitive, or fear-based content, which makes sense that some of them stick. And when a thought feels loud, strange, or unsettling, we don’t just notice it, and it leads us to react. This is where intrusive thoughts often begin. According to the APA Dictionary, intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts, images, or impulses that are distressing and difficult to control. What makes these thoughts unique is that they are something we are not familiar with.  They are inconsistent with our values, beliefs, or intentions, which is precisely why they can feel so alarming. After this thought passes by in our mind, we might stop and ask ourselves, “Why am I thinking this way right now?. That question alone can be alarming. It can make us feel confused, ashamed, or even afraid of our own minds.  And even though we try to push the thought away, ignore it, or make it stop, suppression rarely works the way we hope. In fact, we might find that the more we try not to think about it, the louder and more persistent it becomes. At this point, the situation is not limited to a negative or strange thought anymore; it’s more about how we react to it.  We begin monitoring it, checking whether it will come back, questioning what it says about us. But the question here is why that specific thought is important to you, why you are experiencing this, and whether this is truly something alarming. We will explore the concept of intrusive thoughts in this therapy sketch.

What are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts, images, or impulses that show up uninvited and unwanted. The difference between normal negative thoughts and intrusive thoughts is that they often feel out of character, unfamiliar, or opposite to who we believe ourselves to be. They can take many forms. Some people feel uncomfortable with those thoughts, while others experience them as disturbing, frightening, embarrassing, or intensely stressful. Often, they revolve around our biggest fears, responsibilities, or the things we care about most.

These can center around:

  • Thoughts about causing harm to oneself or others (despite having no intention)
  • Fears about losing control, even when the person has never acted impulsively and has no evidence of being unable to control their behavior
  • Persistent doubts about romantic relationships, despite emotional attachment, and a lack of objective relationship problems 
  • Questions or doubts about sexual orientation or identity that are inconsistent with the person’s experience

The common point here is not the content; it is the unfamiliarity of the thought. The thought feels unrelated to the person experiencing it, and even having it feels strange. But the fact is that our minds generate lots of thoughts that we are aware of and not aware of during the day. When these kinds of thoughts are noticed, and it is possible to see that they fade after a while, since they do not feel related to us, just like other thoughts we experience throughout the day.

What is it not?

Intrusive thoughts are often misunderstood, particularly in online spaces where users share content such as “Letting my intrusive thoughts win.”  When a thought or action is shared under this trend, they often describe impulsive thoughts, sudden urges to do something fun or spontaneous, or hidden things you want to do, but you cannot for a reason. However, these are not categorized as intrusive thoughts because they missed the most crucial aspect: they are aligned with your wants, intentions, or personality.

When it takes up more space in the mind

When intrusive thoughts begin to take up more space in the mind, like capturing attention all the time, repetitive thinking of the thought, and closely monitoring our minds to catch it and suppress it, they begin to affect how we function mentally and emotionally. At this point, the mind becomes preoccupied with that thought, and it can also impact our actions. For example, we may avoid certain situations, places, or activities that seem to trigger the thought, seek repeated reassurance from others, or engage in mental rituals such as replaying events, checking our reactions, or trying to prove to ourselves that the thought isn’t true. When this occurs, daily functioning can be affected. Life may start to feel smaller, more restricted, or more exhausting than it needs to be. In situations like this, specific coping strategies are often used to try to manage intrusive thoughts. Some of these approaches may feel helpful in the moment, whereas others may provide only temporary relief or even unintentionally perpetuate the cycle. Here are some examples:

Coping strategies that might provide temporary relief 

  • Repeatedly analyzing or trying to figure out what the thought means
  • Monitoring the mind closely to check whether the thought has returned
  • Suppressing or stopping the thought 
  • Seeking repeated reassurance from others or from oneself
  • Avoiding situations, people, or activities associated with the thought

Coping Strategies might be helpful long-term

  • Identifying the thought and allowing the thought to pass without trying to solve it
  • Returning attention to the present moment without repeated checking or reassurance. Mindfulness exercises help maintain presence. 
  • Not judging yourself and approaching yourself with self-compassion
  • Seeking professional support can be beneficial if you are experiencing.

Takeaways:

  • Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or impulses that appear suddenly.
  •  They often feel unfamiliar or alien to the person experiencing them, which is why they can feel alarming 
  • These thoughts can become distressing when they begin to take up mental space, repeat frequently, and lead to constant monitoring or attempts to suppress them.
  • Responding to intrusive thoughts by analyzing, avoiding, or seeking reassurance may offer short-term relief but can maintain the cycle over time.
  • Allowing thoughts to pass without returning attention to the present moment, and approaching oneself with self-compassion, can be helpful 
  •  When intrusive thoughts start to impact daily functioning, seeking professional support can provide effective and compassionate guidance.

References:

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At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy. 

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a session with our mental health professionals to begin your healing journey. To get started with therapy, visit our booking page.

First, decide if you’ll be paying out-of-pocket or using insurance. If you’re a self-pay client, you can book directly through the “Book Now” page or fill out the “Self-Pay/Out-of-network Inquiry Form.” If you’re using insurance, fill out the “Insurance Verification Form” to receive details about your costs and availability. Please let us know your preferred therapist. If your preferred therapist isn’t available, you can join the waitlist by emailing us. Once your appointment is confirmed, you’ll receive intake documents to complete before your first session.

This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.