Understanding and Managing Resentment as a Complex Emotion

The word “resentment‟ comes from the old French word “recentir”, which meant the re-experiencing of a strong feeling. However, the current use of ‘resentment’ specifically refers to negative feelings related to grievances, unfair treatment, violations, unfulfilled desires, and unjustified suffering caused by others. Resentment is a powerful emotion characterized by intense feelings of anger or disappointment coupled with feelings of being wronged or betrayed. It is an emotion that can arise from stigmatization, violation, or being mistreated. From this perspective, it is a complex emotion that includes both psychological and sociological factors. Great scholars like Adam Smith, Hume, and Nietzsche have often suggested that this also involves other emotions, such as frustration, contempt, and outrage (TenHouten, 2018). Back in the 1700s, Hume argued that there are two types of resentment: helpless resentment and powerful resentment, as he linked the feeling of resentment to the injustice and the feeling of being powerless. In helpless resentment, the person feels that they have been wronged, but they lack the power or means to change the situation, which leads to inward anger. On the other hand, powerful resentment suggests that the person has the capacity to take action or seek revenge against injustice; in this case, anger is more outward and has the potential to be reciprocated (TenHouten, 2018). While the concept of resentment is a popular topic that has been widely discussed in sociology, it’s also playing a significant role in the psychology and mental health fields. Last publications view resentment as a “tertiary emotion,” which means a blend of primary emotions, such as anger, surprise, and disgust, along with secondary emotions, including contempt, shock, and outrage. In this mini sketch, we will investigate the emotion of management and how to manage it in daily life.

What is resentment?

Resentment can be defined as a sense of displeasure caused by a perceived wrong, insult, or injury. However, this emotion goes beyond a simple displeasure because it includes powerful primary emotions. Primary emotions are basic emotions that are innate, universally recognizable, and expressed in similar ways in every culture. Psychologist Paul Ekman identifies six basic emotions: anger, fear, sadness, joy, disgust, and surprise( Ekman, 1992, 2003). Resentment is thought to involve primary emotions such as anger, wonder, and sometimes disgust (TenHouten, 2018).

Anger: In the emotion of resentment, anger arises in the face of injustice or injustice done to an individual. Similarly, Ekman states that anger is triggered by the violation of personal boundaries.
Surprise: Surprise is an emotion that arises when something unexpected happens. Resentment is often argued to be felt in the impact of unexpected harm or boundary violation, where surprise represents the feeling of being caught off guard.
Disgust: Ekman defines disgust as triggered by something contaminating or offensive that motivates us to distance ourselves. In a social context, Plutchik discusses that disgust is an evolved defensive reaction to threats against social identity (Plutchik, 1980). In terms of resentment, TenHouten associates it with an “avoidance purpose,” meaning disgust pushes away harmful things to protect one’s boundaries.

Moreover, other secondary emotions are directly associated with resentment in the literature. Secondary emotion is a more complex and learned emotion that is a combination of two or more primary emotions. These emotions often develop as a result of personal experience, cultural norms, and social interactions. When we talk about resentment, the literature often mentions secondary emotions like frustration, hostility, contempt, disappointment, betrayal, and envy. These feelings can really add layers to how we experience and understand resentment.

As a result, resentment towards somebody might seem to be just anger; however, it can also include broken trust, grief, disappointment, betrayal, self-protection (of boundaries), unmet expectations, eroded love, and unmet expectations (Greenberg & Paivio, 1997)..

Managing Resentment

As mentioned above, resentment is a complex emotion that encompasses many layers, making it difficult to manage. Provided the fact that the emotion itself is so complex, we also need to consider the impact of factors such as

Develops over time.
Expressing resentment is difficult.
Letting go of resentment feels invalidating.
Holding on to resentment may provide a sense of control, especially if our boundaries are crossed.

How Does Resentment Affect People?

Holding onto resentment can have numerous adverse effects on individuals and their relationships. Resentment can…

Erode love in a relationship.
Increase conflict in a relationship.
Create emotional distance between people.
Cause a breakup or divorce.
Increase stress, depression, and anxiety.
Lead to negative self-talk.
Create thought spirals and rumination.
Increase stress hormones, which can lead to health problems.

Resentment and the Self-Abandonment Cycle

When people experience resentment, they can find themselves in a never-ending cycle of self-abandonment if they are not careful. This involves the following process:

Feeling wronged/Unmet expectations
Anger.
Silence.
On the start of another resentment.
Implosion (e.g., lashing out, passive aggression).
Guilt or shame.
People-pleasing (e.g., fawning).
Resentment ensues.

How To Better Manage Resentment

Here are some steps to deal with resentment:

Identify the emotion: What are you feeling and why?
Communicate your feelings: Use “I” statements to effectively communicate what you are feeling.
Listen to the other person: Hear the person out, and try to see their perspective.
Practice compassion: It’s easy to assume ill intentions. Be compassionate with yourself and the other person. Resentment grows where there is no compassion.
Try to forgive: Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. Try to forgive the other person as a way to let go.
Seek help: Sometimes seeking help from a mental health professional can be necessary, as some issues run deep.

Journaling Prompt

If you are dealing with resentment in your relationship(s), try some of these prompts to help you:

What situation or person is causing you the most resentment right now?
What emotions are you feeling besides anger (e.g., sadness, disappointment, hurt)?
What is the impact of this resentment on your daily life, relationships, and well-being?
What are the barriers preventing you from forgiving the situation or person?
How is holding onto this resentment affecting you more than the original hurt?
What would it feel like to release this burden and let go?

Takeaways:

While the concept of resentment is a popular topic that has been widely discussed in sociology, it’s also playing a significant role in the psychology and mental health fields.
Last publications view resentment as a “tertiary emotion,” a blend of primary emotions like anger, surprise, and disgust, with secondary emotions such as contempt, shock, and outrage.
Resentment towards somebody might seem to be just anger; however, it can also include broken trust, grief, disappointment, betrayal, self-protection (of boundaries), unmet expectations, eroded love, and unmet expectations.
Holding onto resentment can erode love, increase conflict, create emotional distance, cause breakups, and elevate stress, depression, and anxiety. It also triggers negative self-talk, rumination, and stress hormones, leading to health issues.
Resentment leads to a cycle of self-abandonment, including feeling wronged, unmet expectations, anger, silence, implosion (like lashing out or passive aggression), guilt, shame, and people-pleasing, all fostering further resentment.
To deal with resentment, you can start by identifying the emotion, communicating your feelings, listening to the other person, practicing compassion, trying to forgive, and seeking help.

References:

Ekman, P. (1992). Are there basic emotions? Psychological Review, 99(3), 550–553. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.99.3.550
Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions revealed: Recognizing faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life. Times Books.
Greenberg, L. S., & Paivio, S. C. (1997). Working with emotions in psychotherapy. Guilford Press.
Plutchik, R. (1980). Emotion: A psychoevolutionary synthesis. Harper & Row.
TenHouten, W. D. (2018). From ressentiment to resentment as a tertiary emotion. Review of European Studies, 10(4). https://doi.org/10.5539/res.v10n4pxx
WebMD. (2024). Signs of resentment and how to cope. Retrieved July 8, 2025, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-resentment

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