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What is Romantic Attraction?

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Understanding why we are attracted to some people and not others is one of the most fundamental questions in research on close relationships. But what causes attraction? When considering answers to a question, the responses may vary. You might view the person you’re attracted to as intelligent, physically attractive, dependable, or kind-hearted. As you talk about this with your family and friends, you might find that the answer varies from one person to another. But what causes romantic attraction? Research shows that there are a variety of components that promote romantic attraction. These include biological and evolutionary factors, psychological factors, and social factors. In this mini sketch, we will explain the “romantic attraction” and its components. 

Let’s start with the definition of attraction. Attraction means the feeling of closeness or interest in someone. In the literature, different types of attraction can be found, such as physical, social, sexual, sensual, emotional, intellectual, and romantic attractions. Each shows a different kind of connection we can feel for others. For example, physical attraction is when we like someone’s appearance. Social attraction is when we enjoy spending time with someone and want to be friends. Sexual attraction is a desire to be physically intimate with someone. Sensual attraction means wanting physical closeness, like hugging or holding hands, without sexual desire. Emotional attraction happens when we feel deeply connected to someone’s feelings. Intellectual attraction is when we are interested in someone’s ideas or the way they think. Finally, there is romantic attraction. It means we feel a strong emotional bond with someone and want to experience love with them. When we feel romantic attraction, we see the person as someone we can build a close and loving relationship with. Romantic attraction is a complex concept that is affected by many factors such as biological, evolutionary, shared, attachment, familiarity, reciprocity, and social factors. Let’s take a closer look at these factors.

Biological Factors

Brain chemistry plays one of the most significant roles when looking at biological factors of romantic attraction. Specifically, pleasure and reward hormones like dopamine and oxytocin impact how happy and connected we feel when attracted to someone. For example, the joy or pleasure we experience when seeing someone we’re attracted to is triggered by dopamine, the “happy hormone.” Oxytocin, on the other hand, is known as the “bonding hormone.” It promotes feelings of trust and closeness with our partners.

Evolutionary Factors

Many evolutionary psychology theorists believe physical characteristics can influence or promote romantic attraction. One common finding is that we tend to view people with strong facial symmetry as more attractive. Theorists believe that facial symmetry is linked with health and good genetics.

Shared Values

While a common belief is that “opposites attract,” the truth is that “birds of a feather flock together.” People who have more in common tend to have higher attraction and better relationships. This is because we seek long-term partners who share our interests and values. These shared interests tend to be things we find meaningful and can include sociopolitical views, religion, lifestyle choices, and hobbies.

Attachment

Our attachment styles are formed during childhood and shape how safe or secure we feel in adult relationships. Because of this, our attachment styles significantly impact the people we find attractive. While securely attached people tend to feel safe in relationships, people with anxious and/or avoidant attachments tend to struggle in relationships. An anxiously attached person seeks validation and closeness from their partners, whereas an avoidantly attached person seeks distance. Despite these differences, anxiously and avoidantly attached people tend to be attracted to one another, which can be due to an unconscious desire to fill unmet needs.

Familiarity & Reciprocity

Have you ever noticed that your attraction towards someone evolved (or got stronger) over time? Or, have you ever found someone more attractive after learning that they like you? These aren’t uncommon, and no, you’re not making it up! Research shows that the more time we spend with someone, the more we will likely find them attractive. Research also suggests that we tend to see people as more beautiful if we know that they like us. This is because familiarity and reciprocity help us feel safe, which can promote attraction.

Proximity

One of the key factors influencing the development of romantic attraction is proximity. When people are physically close to one another, the chances of naturally encountering and interacting with each other increase. Proximity refers not only to physical closeness, but also to how frequently our paths cross with someone, how often we see them, and the degree to which we are exposed to them. It offers individuals the opportunity to get to know one another and to discover shared similarities (Brannan & Mohr, 2020). Furthermore, geographic closeness can make forming relationships easier and emotionally safer, thereby enhancing attraction. In a foundational study conducted in 1968, Zajonc introduced the concept of the ‘’Mere Exposure Effect’’ which suggests that repeated exposure to a person increases our liking for them. This effect is particularly pronounced when the initial impression of the person is neutral or positive. On the other hand, examining proximity in terms of online relationships, Levine (2000) argues that functional distance is being in the same place simultaneously in a virtual world (e.g., an internet forum). In other words, it is possible to achieve proximity and cross paths through online tools, and it is a reality of today’s digital world that it can contribute to attraction.

Social Factors

Sociocultural factors like our environment, race/ethnicity, gender, and contextual factors also significantly promote romantic attraction. These factors inform us about dating, relationships, and things to look for in a partner. For example, media like romantic comedies or reality dating shows reinforce ideals of what love is and our different expectations for different people (e.g., what makes someone attractive or not).

As can be seen from the factors mentioned, attraction can be an inherently complex and confusing experience. For this reason, recognizing what we are feeling in an open and honest way is important for setting healthy boundaries and understanding our current experience. This is because romantic attraction might not just be something we feel at that time; it may also be an experience that we need to reflect on and make sense of.

Takeaways

  • Romantic attraction cannot be defined by one theory or belief system. 
  • Like most things, romantic attraction is complex, and many influences promote it. 
  • These include Brain chemistry, facial symmetry, attachment styles, shared interests or values, proximity, familiarity, reciprocity, social norms, and cultural expectations.
  • Being in touch with our feelings openly and honestly is important for us to set healthy boundaries and really understand what we’re experiencing right now. 

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While our physical offices are located in South Loop and Lakeview neighborhoods in Chicago, Illinois for in-person sessions, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more.  

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At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy. 

Whether you’re seeking guidance on a specific issue or need help navigating difficult emotions, we’re ready to assist you every step of the way.

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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health related definitions that are written by our therapists.

While our offices are currently located at the South Loop neighborhood of Downtown Chicago, Illinois, we also welcome and serve clients for online therapy from anywhere in Illinois and Washington, D.C. Clients from the Chicagoland area may choose in-office or online therapy and usually commute from surrounding areas such as River North, West Loop, Gold Coast, Old Town, Lincoln Park, Lake View, Rogers Park, Logan Square, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Little Village, Bronzeville, South Shore, Hyde Park, Back of the Yards, Wicker Park, Bucktown and many more. You can visit our contact page to access detailed information on our office location.