Trauma Dumping
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Trauma dumping refers to the unloading of traumatic experiences on another person without any warning, checking in, or invitation. Trauma dumping can look like calling a friend to vent about a breakup, texting someone spontaneously about a bad day, interrupting someone’s story with another traumatic story, or sharing personal and/or difficult experiences during inappropriate times.
Why do People Trauma Dump?
People trauma dump for many different reasons: They want to “purge” their minds and nervous systems of traumatic experiences or memories. They are seeking validation. They want someone else to hold painful emotions so they do not have to. People may choose to trauma dump on you because they recognize people-pleasing tendencies; They view you as submissive or agreeable. You have not told them “no” before. You have otherwise reinforced or validated their trauma dumping.
Why is Trauma Dumping Unhealthy?
Trauma dumping can negatively impact individuals in several ways. Like venting, trauma dumping can often leave people feeling worse. Trauma dumping can also violate personal, social, and professional boundaries. Trauma dumping leads to oversharing personal experiences. Trauma dumping can negatively impact relationships: it overwhelms the receiver, can trigger the receiver, leaves the receiver feeling unheard, and makes it difficult to form and maintain relationships.
How to Know If You Are Trauma Dumping?
There are several ways to know if you are a trauma dumper or not: Take a moment to self-reflect on your role in conversations around trauma, observe how you and your loved ones communicate, and ask yourself: Am I allowing this person to share? Does this person feel comfortable speaking with me about trauma? How did I know whether the person had the bandwidth to listen? Should I share this with another person (like a therapist)?
How to Know If You Are Being Dumped on?
There are several ways to know if you are the “dumpee” or receiver in conversations around trauma. Take a moment to assess yourself: Did the person ask to check in? Are you feeling overwhelmed, flooded, anxious, sad, or tired? Were you able to share your feelings? Did you receive validation or empathy? Do you feel safe sharing traumatic stories with this person? Is there equity in holding space?
How to Stop Trauma Dumping?
Here are some ways to stop trauma dumping if you are the sharer: Identify your emotional, professional, and/or intellectual boundaries. Are they porous? What can you do to change them? Process your emotions with a therapist or provider ahead of time, try journaling and identifying triggers, and ask the individual if they have the bandwidth to hold space for you, as for what you need (e.g., an ear, advice, etc.) Let people share without interruptions.
How to Stop Trauma Dumping If You Are the Receiver?
Here are some ways to stop trauma dumping if you are the receiver: Recognize when you may be reinforcing and contributing to the pattern or problem; identify, set, and maintain appropriate boundaries; say no without being afraid, “Hey, I am sorry that happened to you, but I am not in a space to receive this.” “This conversation is triggering to me, so I don’t think I am the best person to hold space for you.” Speak up when you are being interrupted, ignored, or invalidated.
At Roamers Therapy, our psychotherapists are here to support you through anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues, race-ethnicity issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, ADHD, Autism, or any challenges you encounter. Our psychotherapists are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, and Gottman Therapy.
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This page is also part of the Roamers Therapy Glossary; a collection of mental-health-related definitions that are written by our therapists.
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